Sexuality is one of the fundamental components that nourishes both the emotional and physical dimensions of the institution of marriage. However, for many couples, this topic remains an area that cannot be expressed or talked about for various reasons. This silence can negatively affect both individual mental health and marital satisfaction. This article examines the causes, consequences, and possible solutions of the lack of sexual communication in marriage within the framework of attachment theory, sexual script theory, and systemic family therapy approaches.
Marriage is not only a legal or social union but is also considered an emotional, cognitive, and physical whole. Sexuality, one of the basic elements of this whole, is still seen as a taboo in many cultures and is often suppressed. Especially in traditional and patriarchal social structures, sexuality remains a subject that is shamed and considered private. In this context, the silence experienced in this area rather than the ways married couples experience sexuality comes to the forefront and affects marital relationships in a multidimensional way.
Reasons for the Inability to Talk About Sexuality
Social and Cultural Taboos
In many cultural structures, sexuality is coded as “shameful,” “sinful,” or “private.” These codings cause individuals to suppress their feelings and thoughts about sexuality. While women’s expression of sexual desires can be considered “frivolous” or “indecent,” the belief that men must always be “successful” points to gender norms that restrict sexual communication.
Patterns Transferred from Family
The first learnings about sexuality occur indirectly in the family environment. In this context, individuals raised in family environments where sexuality is ignored, suppressed, or negatively viewed may have difficulty expressing sexual issues openly in adulthood. This situation can lead to the problem of not being able to establish healthy sexual communication in marriage.
Psychological Factors
Feelings such as shame, guilt, and fear of rejection can prevent individuals from expressing themselves on sexual issues. Especially in the context of attachment styles, it is seen that individuals with avoidant or anxious attachment patterns tend to avoid sexual communication.
Consequences of Sexual Communication Problems in Marriage
Emotional Distancing
Sexuality is not only a physical act but also an area of emotional intimacy. The inability to talk about this sharing can lead to the weakening of the emotional bond and distancing between couples.
Sexual Dissatisfaction and Risk of Infidelity
The inability to openly express sexual needs and expectations can create dissatisfaction between couples. This dissatisfaction can eventually turn into seeking satisfaction in extramarital relationships.
Psychological Reflections
Sexual dissatisfaction can pave the way for psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, and anger issues over time. This can lead to the deterioration of individual well-being.
Theoretical Framework for Sexual Communication
Attachment Theory
Developed by John Bowlby, attachment theory argues that individuals’ caregiving experiences in early childhood determine their close relationships in adulthood. While securely attached individuals are more open and adaptable in establishing emotional and sexual intimacy, individuals with anxious or avoidant attachment styles may perceive sexuality as a threat or completely avoid this area.
Sexual Script Theory
This theory, put forward by Gagnon and Simon, argues that individuals shape their sexual behaviors through certain cultural, interpersonal, and individual scripts. Within marriage, the lack of overlap between these scripts can lead to conflicts in sexual expectations and communication breakdowns.
Systemic Approach
The systemic approach used in family therapies evaluates sexuality in the context of the family system in which individuals are involved, independent of their individual characteristics. Sexual communication problems are often intertwined with other communication problems within the marriage and therefore require a holistic evaluation.
Solution Suggestions and Therapeutic Approaches
- Sex Therapy: Allows couples to talk about sexuality in a safe environment.
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Educational Interventions: Access to accurate and scientific sexual information contributes to the normalization of sexuality.
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Developing Emotional Awareness: Individuals’ recognition and open expression of their own emotions positively affect sexual communication.
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Couple Therapy: Addresses all communication problems within the marriage along with the sexual dimension.
Conclusion
Sexuality in marriage is not only a physical act but also an indicator of emotional intimacy, mutual trust, and communication. However, cultural taboos, psychological barriers, and attachment patterns can prevent healthy sexual communication. Sexual communication problems can reduce marital satisfaction over time and threaten individual mental health. Therefore, increasing sexual awareness both individually and as a couple, not hesitating to seek support, and establishing open communication in this area have a supportive effect on both marital quality and individual well-being.
References
Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base: Parent-Child Attachment and Healthy Human Development. Basic Books.
Gagnon, J. H., & Simon, W. (1973). Sexual Conduct: The Social Sources of Human Sexuality. Aldine Publishing.
Schnarch, D. (1997). Passionate Marriage: Love, Sex, and Intimacy in Emotionally Committed Relationships. W. W. Norton.
McCarthy, B., & McCarthy, E. (2003). Rekindling Desire: A Step by Step Program to Help Low-Sex and No-Sex Marriages. Brunner-Routledge.
Nichols, M. P. (2013). Family Therapy: Concepts and Methods. Pearson.