I want to write this piece without any constraints. Let’s see what pours out of my mind this time. It might be like those popular yellow pages, or maybe not.
The urge to talk and get it over with, but postponing as long as possible because I know the outcome will hurt. That’s the dilemma I’m in right now. I’m aware that many people experience similar dilemmas in daily life. If you ask, “What is the main emotion at play here?” it’s anxiety, of course, perhaps the most popular emotion of recent times.
Firstly, anxiety is so intense and disturbing that I want to escape from it. I want to follow the message it gives me by taking action and engaging in beneficial behavior, i.e., having the conversation. But the anxiety also plants obstacles in my mind about taking action. Did you notice that even when I write freely, I say “I know it will hurt”? In many scenarios where we feel high anxiety, we fall into the illusion that we know what will happen in the future. When the scenario involves truly difficult experiences or even disasters, our reaction is often to freeze up or try to avoid it. But in reality, most of these catastrophic scenarios don’t come to pass. However, the more we avoid them, the more they circulate in our minds, and we start believing them to be real, getting exhausted by non-existent threats. Hence, it becomes harder to find the energy to break this cycle.
Our brain is very smart, yet also quite foolish. It can believe the scenarios we create by integrating them with our senses are real. Its main concern is to protect us and prepare us for possible scenarios. But as a result, we find ourselves worrying about unlikely disasters.
The Role of Emotional Regulation in Anxiety
One useful example of psychological first aid that you can use is the Safe Place exercise. With this, when you feel overwhelming emotions, you can relax your body and feel more peaceful, secure, and calm by visualizing and experiencing a place that belongs to you through your five senses. There are various resources online for those interested. While there are helpful examples, there can also be aspects that harm us.
For instance, when I imagine having that conversation, I begin to feel pain directly. I think a little about stepping back from my emotion and pondering potential outcomes. Then I start to create the sounds, expressions, the coffee in my hand, and the taste in my mouth. This makes my brain think I’m really there, and it starts to make me feel those same emotions during my imaginary session. Emotional fatigue that prevents me from finding the energy I need arises exactly from here.
I need to break this cycle. First, I visited my peaceful space. (I prefer calling it a “peaceful space” rather than a Safe Place.) Now, I feel calmer, and the power of anxiety over me has diminished.
Breaking the Cycle of Anxiety
I need to break this cycle. So, I can think about what I need to break it. Sometimes, we need to make certain preparations in advance to take action. Like being more informed, feeling safer, writing down my thoughts before speaking, or understanding the real reasons behind my fears about talking. Yes, I’m certainly anxious about what I might encounter, but that’s not all. I’m also worried about whether I can articulate what I need to say appropriately.
So, my best response for myself is to write what I want to say, know my words well, and be prepared. It also worries me whether the person I’m talking to is ready and what their reactions might be. It’s crucial that they are in a good position to listen and understand. So again, my anxiety tells me, “Prepare. Call the person and let them know beforehand that you have something important to discuss, so they come more prepared.”
I must accept that there are things I cannot control. For instance, I cannot control what others think or how they react. They may come well-prepared to counter my words or give the reactions I’m afraid of, even if they come open to listening. I can still do my best and believe it’s beneficial for the process.
Yes, I’m more prepared now. I’ll first write down what I want to say, then reach out to that person to express my desire to talk, before finally having the conversation and ridding myself of the anxiety it casts over my life.
Understanding and Managing Anxiety Through Self-Awareness
This is just an example of understanding and responding to anxiety. This is my life example, but different topics might spark in your mind with similar emotions. The understanding of yourself, your needs, and the cycle, as well as taking action, are only some methods you can use to manage anxiety.
If you have dilemmas, I invite you to understand the relationship between them and identify your dominant emotions. I hope what I’ve poured out of my mind brings you some benefit in acting on your dilemmas.
Thank you for accompanying me on this journey, and I invite you to explore and perhaps utilize the Safe Place exercise to help manage your emotions and strengthen your emotional regulation.