“People don’t change.”
How many times have you heard or thought this sentence in your life?
This commonly expressed belief in everyday life sometimes arises as a defense mechanism developed after disappointment. Sometimes, it is the silent expression of frustration toward someone’s recurring behaviors. Other times, it becomes an excuse for the fatigue we feel toward the habits we’ve been carrying for years like a burden.
“I’ve always been like this.”
“No matter what I do, I can’t change.”
Often, it feels easier to live through something for the hundredth time than to try to understand why it keeps happening. Being hurt in the same relationships, being disappointed in similar ways, feeling stuck in recurring emotions…
These repetitions eventually become so familiar that people unknowingly create the safest space in their lives within the pain they know best. And then, with a kind of acceptance of fate, they quietly whisper to themselves:
“I’ve always been like this.”
But is that really true?
Is it truly impossible for people to change their behavior?
To what extent are our personalities, beliefs, thought patterns, and behaviors fixed or flexible?
How transformable are these inner patterns, rooted in childhood and deepened over time?
These questions have long been addressed not only by those interested in personal development but also by researchers who study the foundational elements of psychology. Human capacity for change cannot be explained solely by motivation; rather, it exists at the intersection of neurobiology, behavioral science, psychotherapeutic techniques, and social context.
In this article, we will explore the potential for human change from both scientific and emotional perspectives. We will follow the fundamental question through a broad framework from the brain’s capacity for reshaping, to emotional traces carried from the past, to the transformation of habits, and the effects of environmental factors:
Is one step really enough?
Body
Most people describe certain behavior patterns as their “personality.” However, who we are is not determined solely by our innate traits but also shaped by the emotional experiences we encounter throughout life. Psychology’s inward-looking perspective reminds us of this: many of the personality characteristics we assume to be fixed are actually the silent legacy of coping mechanisms we developed in the past.
Imagine a child…
They learn early what they must do to be loved.
Some children were ignored when they cried they chose silence.
Some comforted themselves when left alone they always appear “strong.”
Some were constantly criticized they developed a critical inner voice.
Over time, these responses become internalized and settle on us like a personality. But what we forget is this: these responses may have once protected us… but today, they may have become limiting patterns.
Recurring cycles in adulthood being hurt in similar relationships, feeling unappreciated at work, experiencing distrust in friendships are, at the unconscious level, an expression of a tendency to revisit familiar emotions. Emotions that went unresolved in childhood are reenacted in adulthood. This time, the characters may have changed, but the script remains the same.
This is no coincidence.
The mind seeks to complete unfinished stories. But sometimes, in the attempt to complete these stories, we find ourselves stuck in the same place.
It is at this point that awareness comes into play.
When suppressed emotions shame, anger, fear of abandonment, worthlessness become visible, the meaning one attributes to oneself begins to change. Because only an emotion that is recognized can be transformed.
Francine Shapiro’s well-known quote sheds light at precisely this point:
“We cannot change the past, but we can change how it affects us.”
And when that impact begins to shift, the person begins to change as well.
Change is not simply replacing one behavior with another.
The real transformation begins when a person makes contact with the emotional weight behind the behavior.
When the fear behind a defense is acknowledged, when the source of an inner voice is understood…
At that moment, the person gains the ability to observe their patterns from the outside.
And perhaps for the first time, they realize that what they’ve always claimed as “this is who I am” is not a choice, but something they learned to survive.
But what if the brain is open to change?
Beyond these emotional analyses, is change physically possible? For many years, psychology assumed that personality was fixed and that individuals would remain as they were shaped in childhood. However, modern neuroscience has fundamentally challenged this belief.
Today, we know that the brain is capable of change throughout life. Thanks to a mechanism called neuroplasticity, the connections between neurons in our brains can reshape themselves through new experiences. In other words, a person not only acquires new habits but can also gradually transform their self-perception, their way of interpreting the world, and even their emotional responses.
This tells us something vital: change is not just psychological it is also biological. Mental flexibility, the ability to open new pathways, and the courage to reconnect with emotions when these come together, people can transform not only their behaviors but also how they perceive themselves.
Conclusion
People can change.
But this change does not occur simply by acquiring a new behavior; it happens by recognizing old emotions and reassessing the meanings carried from past to present. Because in most cases, what needs to change first is not the behavior, but the inner story that leads to it.
That story might begin in a childhood loneliness, in a word, or in a silence.
Over time, these small moments turn into a sense of identity:
“This is who I am.”
Yet that “I” is often born out of necessity.
One has stayed quiet to be seen, remained strong to be loved, or suppressed feelings to avoid rejection. And over time, these strategies settle in as parts of one’s personality.
However, the most valuable human ability enters right here:
The ability to observe oneself from the outside.
The courage to recognize what one feels, why one feels it, and how long it’s been this way.
Change is not quick, but it is possible.
It starts with small insights, with named emotions, and sometimes, with a quiet inner voice that asks:
“Do I still have to feel this way?”
Sometimes this process begins in therapy, sometimes in a book, and sometimes on a quiet evening alone.
But once it begins, the person gradually starts to see themselves from a new perspective.
And when that perspective shifts, the person begins to change too.
Because no matter how influential the past may be, what determines the future is the awareness of the present.
And sometimes, truly… one step is enough.
References
Fogg, B. J. (2020). Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything. Houghton Mifflin Harcourt.
Kolb, B., & Whishaw, I. Q. (2015). An Introduction to Brain and Behavior (4th ed.). Worth Publishers.
Shapiro, F. (2018). Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.