Sometimes we seem to be stuck at a fork in the road. There are two, three, five, or dozens of directions in front of us, but we cannot pass through any of them completely. Our heart pulls one way, and our mind pulls another; we are content with watching the possibilities we could reach if we stretched out our hand. Indecision is not only a state of inaction but also a mental fatigue, an emotional heaviness, and an inner conflict that often goes hand in hand with anxiety.
Endless Options, Endless Anxiety
While modern life boasts of offering us a wealth of options, it actually causes us to drown in this abundance. In every choice, from what to eat on the menu to which profession to choose, we prefer one possibility while leaving dozens of others behind. This situation has a counterpart in psychology: FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), the fear of missing something.
FOMO has become even stronger and more visible, especially with the influence of social media. When we make a choice, knowing that other possibilities are closed starts a mourning process in our minds. Even after making a decision, we are drowning in endless possibilities by silently wandering on the edge of the mind with the thought of dozens of books in a bookshop and leaving without buying any of them. We make a connection with all of them, but we can’t stick to one.
The Roots of Indecision: Searching for the Perfect Choice
Indecision is often based on the desire to find the perfect decision, the perfect option. But the perfect decision is often an illusion. The human mind does not like uncertainty; certainty gives it confidence. Therefore, while the moment of decision offers the opportunity to end uncertainty, it is also threatening because it includes the possibility of being wrong. The individual who cannot cope with this threat begins to live in a mental ‘waiting room’ by prolonging the decision-making process.
This waiting room may look calm from the outside. But storms are raging inside. Even though the outcome of the choice is not certain, the burden of indecision becomes heavier and heavier. Long-term indecision damages not only personal development but also one’s sense of self. Questions such as ‘Why can’t I make a decision?’ and ‘Why do I have so much difficulty?’ feed the sense of inner inadequacy over time.
The Fear of Losing: Every Choice Is a Farewell
Every choice involves a farewell as well as a gain. And goodbyes bring with them a process of mourning, whether we realize it or not. We say goodbye to other dreams when choosing a career path, to other possibilities when choosing a relationship, to other landscapes when staying in a city. These goodbyes are often invisible but have a great spiritual impact.
It is like fearing that all the flowers in the garden will wither if you can only water one flower. When we stand at an equal distance to every flower, we cannot make any of them flourish. However, choosing one is not to give up the others completely; it is to take responsibility for that moment, for that connection.
Not Choosing Is Also a Choice
Indecision often seems passive, but it is actually an active choice. By not choosing, we choose to maintain uncertainty. This can be a temporary relief for the mind, which fears losing control. In the long run, however, this choice can be one of the greatest obstacles to our development.
Some studies of indecision show that people with a high tolerance for ambiguity are able to make decisions more quickly and with more inner peace. This suggests that decision-making is not just about information but also about the ability to manage emotions. In other words, decision-making requires not only analysis but also emotional resilience.
What Can We Do?
- Learn to say goodbye to possibilities: Making choices starts with accepting the existence of other possibilities. Being able to say, ‘I can’t do it all at once and that’s normal’ reduces anxiety.
- Adopt the concept of ‘good enough’ decision: Choosing not the perfect decision but the one that is good enough is a more sustainable way for our mental health.
- Learning to deal with post-decision regret: Every choice is a risk, but not making any choice is a greater risk.
- Making value-based choices: Making decisions based on your long-term values rather than short-term gains helps you maintain inner balance.
There is uncertainty in every choice, but there is a price to pay for indecision. Not choosing creates an illusion of control and can cut us off from life. It is like a ship lingering in the harbor before setting sail… It looks safe, but it is not going anywhere.
Let us not forget: Life cannot be lived without taking risks, without being able to tolerate a little uncertainty. Perhaps making a decision is not to choose a possibility, but to dare to labor for what we choose.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th edition). Arlington, VA: American Psychiatric Publishing.