At times, even in early childhood, individuals are burdened with responsibilities beyond their developmental capacity. As days and months pass, one may remain unaware of how this burden gradually accumulates, bending them under its increasing weight. Frequently, even those who impose such responsibilities do so unconsciously, without recognizing the psychological implications of their actions.
Later in life, one may articulate this internalized experience through statements such as: “I was never a child. I was always thinking about others; it was never my turn.”
Have you ever found yourself uttering these words? Have you ever heard them from someone close to you?
Why is it that some individuals are unable to experience a true sense of childhood? What compels a person to prioritize others’ needs over their own? Is this a voluntary choice, or an adaptation to necessity?
The Concept of Parentification
Parentification, as defined by Boszormenyi-Nagy and Spark (1973), refers to a dynamic within the parent–child relationship in which the child assumes parental roles and responsibilities that exceed their developmental level, thereby providing physical and emotional support to meet the parent’s needs and desires. In other words, parentification can be described as a role reversal, a breakdown of generational boundaries, and a form of mutual interdependence between parent and child (Jurkovic, 1997; Jurkovic & Casey, 2000).
According to Jurkovic (2014), there are two main types of parentification experiences: instrumental and emotional parentification.
Instrumental parentification involves the child taking on practical, routine responsibilities that are typically those of the parent—such as cooking, cleaning, shopping, ironing, or caring for younger siblings.
Emotional parentification, on the other hand, occurs when the child becomes a mediator or emotional caretaker within the parents’ relational conflicts, serving as a bridge between them and providing emotional support as though they were an adult.
Sometimes, this burden manifests as household duties; other times, the child becomes the parent’s “confidant.”
Reflections of Parentification in Adulthood
When a child, who is neither physically nor cognitively mature, grows up assuming adult-like responsibilities, various negative outcomes may emerge — such as weakened interpersonal relationships, decreased life satisfaction, distortions in self-perception, difficulties in emotional regulation, and boundary problems.
For instance, a study conducted with adolescents revealed that children who grow up prioritizing their parents’ emotional well-being may perceive this as a means of communication (Bourassa et al., 2010).
Accordingly, it is suggested that parentification in childhood may lead to the adoption of a controlling style in interpersonal relationships in later life (Johnston, 1990; Türkün et al., 2023), high levels of distrust and low satisfaction in romantic relationships (Baggett et al., 2015), as well as the emergence of codependency and other maladaptive patterns (Büyük, 2020; Knapek & Szabo, 2014).
An individual experiencing codependency tends to relegate their own self and needs to the background, making the person they are emotionally attached to—or wish to connect with—the primary focus of their life. In other words, they devote themselves entirely to the other person and their needs.
Such individuals’ tendencies toward self-sacrifice and maintaining control within relationships are closely related to their pursuit of safety and emotional security (McGrath & Oakley, 2011; Wells et al., 2006).
As the person continues to meet the needs of others, they may feel accepted, loved, approved of, and appreciated, believing that in order to secure a place in the other’s life and to maintain it, such behaviors must continue. It should also be noted that low self-esteem and fear of abandonment can further exacerbate this pattern.
Parentification in Turkish Society
When examining family structures in Turkish society, it can be observed that there is an ongoing transformation from extended family structures toward nuclear families, and from collectivism toward individualism (Kağıtçıbaşı, Sunar, & Berkman, 2001; Kağıtçıbaşı, 2017).
As in many collectivist societies, within a considerable portion of Turkish families, the mother figure is regarded as the primary person responsible for parenting duties. However, it is also frequently observed that children assume responsibilities that should belong to the parents. What begins in childhood often persists into adulthood in various forms.
Turkish parents often expect their children to provide financial support to their siblings, help with household chores, offer material assistance to their parents, and care for them in old age. From early ages, Turkish parents tend to expect their children to contribute emotionally, financially, and physically to the family system (Çarkoğlu, 2016). From a gender perspective, it has been shown that girls tend to provide more physical care to family members than boys (Karagöbek, 2014).
Parentification, in many cases, becomes a transgenerational pattern—passed down from one generation to the next, often without conscious awareness. A study conducted in 2022 with 289 mother-daughter pairs found that a mother’s own childhood experience of parentification explained 12% of her daughter’s parentification behaviors, a statistically meaningful proportion considering the multitude of factors influencing this dynamic.
Many individuals in Turkey report having had to “grow up too soon”—bearing emotional and practical burdens beyond their developmental capacity. They describe having been confidants, caretakers, and problem-solvers, often saying, “I was never allowed to be a child.”
Healing begins when adults recognize the origin of these burdens and realize they are not obligated to carry them any longer. The generational chain of parentification can be broken at the very moment one learns to say “I.”
References
Boszormenyi-Nagy, I. & Spark, G. M. (1973). Invisible loyalties: Reciprocity in intergenerational family therapy. New York, NY: Harper & Row.
Bourassa, K. (2010). Compulsive Caregiving: Emotional Parentification in Childhood and Its Association With Romantic Relationships in Late Adolescence and Early Adulthood. University of Virginia.
Büyük, A. (2020). Parentification and Codependency: Intergenerational Implications.
Çarkoğlu, A. (2016). Türkiye’de toplumsal cinsiyet rollerinin ve kadının toplumdaki yerinin kamuoyundaki algısı araştırması. Kadir Has Üniversitesi Toplumsal Cinsiyet ve Kadın Araştırmaları Merkezi.
Jurkovic, G. J. (1997). The Plight of the Parentified Child. New York: Brunner Mazel Inc.
Jurkovic, G. J. (2014). Lost Childhoods: The Plight of the Parentified Child. Routledge.
Kağıtçıbaşı, Ç. (2017). Family, Self, and Human Development Across Cultures: Theory and Applications. Taylor & Francis.
Kağıtçıbaşı, Ç.; Sunar, D. & Berkman, S. (2001). Long-term Effects of Early Intervention: Turkish Low-Income Mothers and Children. Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, 22(4), 333–361.
Karagöbek, B. A. (2014). The Effect of Maternal Parentification History, Maternal Attachment Styles, Socioeconomic Status and Children’s Self-Construal on Parentification Roles and Perceived Parental Caregiving. Middle East Technical University.
McGrath, J., & Oakley, M. (2011). Codependency and Emotional Regulation in Relationships.
Özbiler, Ş. (2022). Annelerin ebeveynleşme geçmişi ile kız çocuklarının ebeveynleşmesi: Benliğin ayrımlaşmasının moderatör rolü. Ege Üniversitesi Yayınları.
Türkün, E., et al. (2023). Parentification and Control Dynamics in Interpersonal Relationships.