Nowadays, social media applications have become an inseparable part of our lives, beginning in 1997 with the launch of the platform Six Degrees. Platforms like Friendster (2002), Myspace (2003), and Facebook (2004) followed, accelerating the rapid spread of social media.
Today, popular platforms like Instagram, X, and TikTok have fundamentally transformed our social media habits. Social media is no longer just a communication tool; it has become a showcase where we define ourselves, seek belonging, and present our best versions to the world. But why do we make these posts? What exactly are we trying to show, and to whom? And what psychological dynamics lie behind these behaviors?
The Absence of Likes: Digital Silence and Psychological Echoes
At the root of our motivation to share on social media lies a very universal need: the desire to be seen. People want to be seen, known, valued, and appreciated.
As Virginia Woolf once said:
“The only thing that echoes within us is the desire to be noticed.”
However, when this desire to be seen is quantified by the number of likes we receive, we begin to experience fluctuations in our sense of self-worth and security. With every like we receive, our brain’s reward system is activated, releasing dopamine. But what happens when we don’t get those likes?
Not receiving enough likes on a photo or post can make us feel rejected. It no longer matters how many friends we have in real life or how many people genuinely care about us. What matters is the number of notifications lighting up our phone screens—otherwise, it feels like we’re “not enough,” right?
Especially during adolescence and young adulthood, when self-esteem is much more shaped by external validation, this kind of digital silence can lead to intense anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. Before sharing, we find ourselves constantly asking:
“Will they like this photo?”
“Do I look good enough?”
“Will I seem lonely?”
At this point, social comparison becomes inevitable. According to Leon Festinger’s Social Comparison Theory (1954), people have a natural tendency to evaluate themselves by comparing with others. We measure our sense of self-worth by these comparisons. For instance, if the person we compare ourselves to looks more attractive, we might feel less adequate.
Social media distorts these comparisons because people predominantly display only the “highlight reels” of their lives. Moreover, with unlimited photo editing apps and filters, it’s safe to say that most of what we see on social media is not reality.
As a result, individuals end up comparing their full complexity and vulnerabilities to others’ filtered realities. This leads to severe fluctuations in self-esteem and an overwhelming sense of worthlessness.
Real Self or Ideal Self?
According to Carl Rogers’ self-theory, the “ideal self” is the version of ourselves we aspire to be, while the “real self” is who we actually are. Rogers argued that the greater the gap between the real self and the ideal self, the more psychological distress we experience; the smaller the gap, the healthier our overall well-being. Ultimately, the goal is to align with our ideal self—to become the person we want to be.
Social media, however, has become a stage where we constantly exhibit our ideal selves. Whether or not individuals actually achieve their ideal self doesn’t matter; as long as they appear to, it’s enough. Through social media, people can create an alternative reality parallel to their actual lives.
If you scroll through your feed, it’s highly likely you’ll see ideal body images, perfect makeup, happy marriages, and highly successful parents. But is that really the truth? Is everyone genuinely happy? Is life really this flawless?
Sometimes, the thought crosses our minds:
“Maybe it’s just my life that’s filled with setbacks…”
Inevitably, we end up feeling like failures, or that we’re falling behind in life. But real life doesn’t come with beautifying filters, and it is certainly not made up of perfectly happy moments.
Life’s struggles cannot be hidden, and the idealized lives we see in digital showcases should not make us undervalue our own reality.
It’s important to remember: life is not just a collection of “best moments” but a whole journey with its ups and downs, imperfections, and ordinary days. Owning our real self is far more valuable than simply being visible.
Can We Exist Without Being Seen?
So maybe it’s time to ask ourselves:
“Are we sharing the moments we live, or living to share moments?”
Social media doesn’t have to be something we abandon entirely; however, how we use it has become a crucial factor in determining our mental well-being. Acknowledging that life is not just about happy moments and remembering that we can exist even without sharing is essential.
We must be kinder to ourselves, striving not to be more visible but to connect with our authentic selves. Sometimes, the best gift we can give to our mental health is to go offline.