We’re bringing the concept of boundaries, which we often hear about in the business world, to the table. Let’s see if this table can handle this burden.
If we experience feelings of weariness and overwhelm in our workplace relationships, if we try to meet everyone’s demands and expectations, and if we prioritize others’ desires over our own, it’s clear that we need to re-evaluate our boundaries.
The concept that best describes this situation is people pleasing. People who experience this consistently prioritize the needs, boundaries, and desires of others in order to please them and gain approval. When they say no, they feel selfish, guilty, and ultimately end up violating their own boundaries (Sussex Publishers. (n.d.)). Constantly being available, accepting new projects when you’re already busy, putting others’ needs before your own… Saying yes when you want to say no affects your well-being and can lead to burnout (Lewis, 2024).
But we must understand this: “boundaries are a necessity, not a preference” (Nicholas, 2024). That’s why now is exactly the right time to talk about how to set them!
Setting Boundaries
First and foremost, setting healthy personal boundaries means taking responsibility for your own feelings and actions, not those of others. If someone comes to you expecting you to rescue them with every difficulty or problem they face, or expects you to prioritize them at the most inopportune times, you must remember that this person is also an adult and has the capacity to take responsibility for their own situation. Saying no to someone doesn’t make you a bad person. 🙂 Rather than feeling like others’ problems are your responsibility, you can guide them and be a mentor. In this way, you lead while still protecting your own boundaries.
Philippa Perry says in her book The Book You Want Everyone You Love to Read, “Setting boundaries with others is the key to having a strong relationship with yourself” (p. 52). That relationship you build with yourself is essentially about focusing on your own well-being. In other words, it means protecting your personal space and self-respect, and valuing yourself. Constantly responding immediately to others’ needs or fearing exclusion because you said “no” will ultimately harm your own boundaries.
Unhealthy work boundaries are therefore likened to a vicious cycle (Snow, 2020). When you compromise your own needs, expectations rise and people begin to cross your line. And so it goes, one step leading to the next…
The Cycle Of Unhealthy Work Boundaries
SHANE SNOW
What truly makes our boundaries important is integrating them into our language of communication. Like the “If > Then” format. It’s a two-way, mutual agreement (Snow, 2020). To give an example: “If you call me in an hour, then I will be able to help.” If we clearly state our boundaries in our communication with the other person, and present our personal rules in a way that the other person can understand, our boundaries will reach them through communication and healthy boundaries will be established. These rules are not impositions on others, nor are they about interfering in someone else’s space. They are about considering our own responsibilities and communicating them within a framework of respect.
Strategies That Support Our Boundaries
1. Time Management
The key here is managing your calendar, prioritizing tasks, and avoiding switching between them (Gillette, 2021).
2. Respectfully Saying No
Clarifying the situation by asking questions, prioritizing your own well-being and work quality, and being able to say no respectfully (Gillette, 2021).
3. Adhering To Boundaries
Respecting your priorities consistently when your boundaries are tested (Gillette, 2021).
4. Minimizing Interruptions
Sharing information about your availability (Gillette, 2021). As highlighted by Kerr et al. (2020), frequent interruptions increase stress hormone production, leading to higher stress levels and making it harder to stay productive and decisive.
At the foundation of all the strategies that support our boundaries lie communication, self-respect, and the value we place on ourselves.
From this explanation, we come to understand that boundaries are not drawn to control others. Instead, they are built around our own responsibilities, time, energy, and well-being. Therefore, while our boundaries define our well-being and success in the workplace, they will also protect us from stressful tasks and challenging individuals. Now, pause for a moment and reflect on your own boundaries!
References
Gillette, H. (2021). 7 tips for setting work boundaries in your 24/7 schedule. Psych Central. https://psychcentral.com/blog/tips-for-setting-boundaries-at-work
Kerr, J. I., Naegelin, M., Weibel, R. P., Ferrario, A., La Marca, R., von Wangenheim, F., … & Schinazi, V. R. (2020). The effects of acute work stress and appraisal on psychobiological stress responses in a group office environment. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 121, 104837.
Lewis, H. (2024). How to set boundaries at work – with examples. halopsychology.com. https://halopsychology.com/2024/11/12/how-to-set-boundaries-at-work-with-examples/
Nicholas, L. (2024). Setting workplace boundaries – employment autism. https://employmentautism.org.uk/setting-workplace-boundaries/
Perry, P. (2023). The Book You Want Everyone You Love to Read: Sane and Sage Advice to Help You Navigate All of Your Most Important Relationships. Balance.
Snow, S. (2020). How to set boundaries at work when it’s hard (especially when remote). https://www.forbes.com/sites/shanesnow/2020/04/13/how-to-set-boundaries-at-work-when-its-hard-especially-when-remote/
Sussex Publishers. (n.d.). People-Pleasing. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/people-pleasing