Belonging fatigue is the emotional, cognitive, and existential exhaustion caused by an individual’s constant effort to belong and be accepted on a social and cultural basis. This condition can be observed as an internal state of constriction experienced by people in modern life who are trying to find their identity and belong somewhere. The inability to answer the question “Who am I?”, which we particularly observe during adolescence, can lead to the concept of belonging failing to find meaning.
The Need for Acceptance and Identity
The sense of belonging is one of the most fundamental components of human nature. It is said to be a necessity. People want to experience a sense of belonging. This feeling is a way for individuals to define themselves. Humans are relational beings; they construct their emotional security through bonds of closeness and acceptance. Bowlby shows us that relationships form the basic pattern for all relationships an individual will establish in their future life. The desire to belong is not only a social necessity but also a biological and emotional one. Especially with the development of identity that begins in adolescence, harmony, sufficient acceptance, and recognition are important in this process. If the individual cannot find an area where they feel they belong, this search can turn into exhaustion and identity confusion can occur.
The concept of belonging is also closely related to the existential realm. People searching for meaning can find meaning in their lives through the concept of belonging. Existential psychology scholars such as Irvin D. Yalom and Viktor Frankl emphasise that people’s efforts to find meaning in life are often shaped by “belonging to a place, a group, a belief, or a value.” This is because belonging shows that we are understood and accepted.
However, the concept of belonging has begun to change with modern society. It is no longer fixed bonds that come to the fore, but temporary and multiple relationships. With the influence of social media, people must manage not only who they are, but also how they “present” themselves. The impact of globalisation and diversity on social media affects the concept of identity and can make the sense of belonging exhausting.
The Transformation of Belonging into Exhaustion
People strive to fit in in many areas of their daily lives, such as at work, at school, and even among their friends. They may say they like a film they dislike or dislike a meal they actually enjoy. This constant effort to fit in has certain consequences. The constant struggle to belong can lead to mental fatigue. In psychology, this situation can be linked to Carl Rogers’ concept of “unconditional acceptance.” According to Rogers, a healthy self develops when it receives unconditional acceptance, but in today’s world, acceptance can be observed to have become conditional. At this point, belonging can move away from peace and become a performance situation. This environment causes internal conflict in the individual, undermines self-integrity, and can turn into existential fatigue. According to Festinger (1954), individuals often tend to compare themselves with others to evaluate their views and abilities. When we see people who are “more accepted” on social media, our search for belonging may be stimulated, but at the same time, it can also affect our self-esteem. After a while, the internal conflicts and feelings of inadequacy experienced by the person lead to exhaustion in their self-perception.
Transforming Belonging Fatigue
Belonging fatigue is not only negative or a result; it is the process itself. It can be a step towards self-discovery. What matters is the continuation of this process. In short, belonging fatigue can be viewed not only as a problem or a state of exhaustion but also as an opportunity for awareness and inner transformation. The state of conformity acquired through environmental factors can distance us from our true selves. However, this alienation also carries the potential to reconnect with our true selves. We can connect with ourselves by discovering our own values. The effort made for belonging can become a step towards the self. This process can now turn from the obligation to belong to a process of self-understanding. One can belong to oneself.
Existential psychology provides an important framework for understanding this transformation. According to Viktor Frankl, the fundamental motivation of human beings is not pleasure or power, but the search for meaning. The need for belonging can also be seen in this context as an indirect form of searching for meaning. People want to exist not by belonging to a community, but by finding a meaningful place within that community. To find this meaning, people must first understand themselves. Along with the questions raised by anxiety, an unexpected gain may emerge. When the question “To whom should I belong?” is replaced with “How can I belong to myself?”, the person moves away from seeking external approval and towards internal wholeness. In this way, awareness about the self can be gained and self-compassion developed. As the person clings to internal meanings rather than external bonds, “belonging” becomes a state of consciousness rather than an identity.
Resources
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Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and loss: Vol. 1. Attachment.
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Rogers, C. R. (1961). On becoming a person: A therapist’s view of psychotherapy.
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Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human Relations, 7(2), 117–140.
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Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential psychotherapy.
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Frankl, V. E. (1946/2006). Man’s search for meaning (R. W. Richardson, Trans.).
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Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and crisis.