Most of us think of empathy as a single ability — either you have it or you don’t. But everyday experience tells a different story. Some people understand others very well but struggle to feel emotionally moved. Others feel everything deeply and become overwhelmed. Some cry during movies, others try to solve your problems, and some shut down when emotions become intense.
Psychological research supports this intuition. Empathy is not one thing, but a set of different emotional and cognitive processes. One of the most widely used scientific models of empathy breaks it down into four main components, showing that people can be empathetic in very different ways (Davis, 1983). Two of these—Perspective Taking and Fantasy—reflect the cognitive dimension of empathy, while the other two—Empathic Concern and Personal Distress—capture the affective dimension, encompassing the capacity to feel and respond to others’ emotions (Harari et al., 2010).
Do You Try To See The World Through Other People’s Eyes?
Some people naturally step into other people’s perspectives. They ask questions, listen carefully, and try to understand how a situation looks from the inside. This tendency is known as perspective taking (Davis, 1983).
People high in perspective taking are often good at resolving conflicts and navigating social situations. They can understand different viewpoints without necessarily sharing the same emotional reaction. You might recognize this style if you often find yourself saying, “I don’t agree, but I get why you feel that way.”
This form of empathy is primarily cognitive. It relies on thinking and imagination rather than emotional absorption. It allows people to stay emotionally grounded while still being socially sensitive (Decety & Jackson, 2004).
Do You Find Yourself Emotionally Living Inside Stories, Movies, And Characters?
Another way empathy shows up is through how deeply we connect with fictional worlds. Some people easily immerse themselves in books, films, or games and feel strong emotions for imaginary characters. Psychologists refer to this as the fantasy dimension of empathy (Davis, 1983).
If you cry during movies, feel empty after finishing a series, or strongly identify with fictional heroes, you are probably high on this form of empathy. Your emotional system is especially good at simulating experiences that are not your own.
Research suggests that engaging with narratives can enhance emotional understanding and social sensitivity by allowing people to imaginatively adopt alternative perspectives (Mar et al., 2009). Fiction becomes a safe training ground for empathy.
Do You Feel Genuine Warmth And Concern For Others?
This is the form of empathy most people associate with kindness and care. Known as empathic concern, it reflects the tendency to feel compassion, sympathy, and emotional warmth toward others who are suffering (Davis, 1983).
People high in empathic concern are often the ones who check in, offer emotional support, and feel deeply affected by others’ misfortune. Their empathy is outward-focused — it centers on the other person’s needs rather than their own discomfort.
Empathic concern is closely linked to prosocial behavior, altruism, and social bonding (Batson, 2011; Eisenberg et al., 2010). At the same time, when this form of empathy is very strong and unbalanced, it can lead to emotional exhaustion and burnout (Figley, 2002).
Do Other People’s Emotions Make You Feel Anxious Or Overwhelmed?
The final form of empathy is the most misunderstood. Known as personal distress, it refers to feeling tense, anxious, or uncomfortable when witnessing someone else’s emotional pain (Davis, 1983).
People high in personal distress often care deeply but struggle to stay emotionally regulated in intense situations. When others cry or express strong emotions, their own nervous system becomes activated. Instead of focusing on the other person’s needs, attention shifts inward — toward escaping discomfort (Eisenberg et al., 2010; Gross, 2015).
This can lead to avoidance, emotional withdrawal, or feeling emotionally drained. Importantly, this is not a lack of empathy. It is a form of empathy that becomes self-focused and emotionally overwhelming.
So, What Kind Of Empath Are You?
Most people show all four forms of empathy to some degree. But we usually have a dominant pattern — one style that feels most natural and automatic.
Understanding these differences can explain many everyday misunderstandings. Two people can both be empathetic and still feel emotionally disconnected. One may show empathy by understanding, another by feeling, another by helping, and another by withdrawing.
Empathy doesn’t have a single “right” way to feel. Some people understand others, some feel deeply, some imagine themselves in others’ shoes, and some struggle with intense emotions. Understanding your own pattern — and noticing how others respond — can help make social connections more meaningful.
The most powerful form of empathy may not be emotional intensity, but emotional awareness: knowing your own style, respecting others’, and learning how to connect without losing yourself in the process (Decety & Cowell, 2014).
References
Batson, C. D. (2011). Altruism in Humans. Oxford University Press.
Davis, M. H. (1983). Measuring individual differences in empathy: Evidence for a multidimensional approach. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 44(1), 113–126. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.44.1.113
Decety, J., & Cowell, J. M. (2014). The complex relation between morality and empathy. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 18(7), 337–339. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.tics.2014.04.008
Decety, J., & Jackson, P. L. (2004). The functional architecture of human empathy. Behavioral and Cognitive Neuroscience Reviews, 3(2), 71–100. https://doi.org/10.1177/1534582304267187
Eisenberg, N., Eggum, N. D., & Di Giunta, L. (2010). Empathy‐related responding: Associations with prosocial behavior, aggression, and intergroup relations. Social Issues and Policy Review, 4(1), 143–180. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-2409.2010.01020.x
Figley, C. R. (2002). Compassion fatigue: Psychotherapists’ chronic lack of self-care. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 58(11), 1433–1441. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.10090
Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1–26. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2014.940781
Harari, H., Shamay-Tsoory, S. G., Ravid, M., & Levkovitz, Y. (2010). Double dissociation between cognitive and affective empathy in borderline personality disorder. Psychiatry Research, 175(3), 277–279. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psychres.2009.03.002
Mar, R. A., Oatley, K., & Peterson, J. B. (2009). Exploring the link between reading fiction and empathy: Ruling out individual differences and examining outcomes. Communications, 36(4), 407–428. https://doi.org/10.1515/comm.2011.020