People interpret those who enter their lives in different ways. For example, a person who is truly irritating and unbearable to me may be perceived by someone else as very attractive, interesting, or intriguing. Or to explain with another example, there have surely been times when you and the people in your life did not share the same opinion about a particular person. Someone whom everyone likes may seem annoying to you, or conversely, a person disliked by most may feel inspiring to you. This is, of course, a natural situation.
But are the people we encounter and the emotions they evoke in us merely a coincidence? Why is it that the feeling one person attributes to someone is not the same for another? The answer is actually not far away. Why? Because for this, it is enough to stand in front of a mirror. What do we see when we look into a mirror? A pair of eyes, a pair of ears, a nose, a mouth, and other features—that is, a reflection that everyone has, yet at the same time one that belongs only to us. This is where the answer is hidden.
Everyone is different, and everyone evokes different emotions in us. The reason for this is that the feelings we have toward the person in front of us are, in fact, feelings we have toward ourselves. It is, in a sense, like looking into a mirror—but this mirror is a foggy one. Rather than calling it a mirror, it would be more accurate to call it a reflection. It is like seeing our own reflection when we look into a puddle of water. That reflection is not as clear as a mirror, but it is still visible, and this foggy reflection is where projection often operates before self-awareness can interpret it.
If one asks how this situation is explained in psychology, we must turn to Carl Gustav Jung, one of the most important theorists in the field. According to Jung, a significant part of what we see belongs more to ourselves than to others. One of the most powerful metaphors Jung introduced into psychology is the mirror, and it comes into play precisely at this point: when evaluating others, people unknowingly reflect their own inner world. What we think is the other is, most of the time, our own reflection in the mirror — filtered through projection.
Jung explains the aspects of the individual that reside in the unconscious and are difficult to accept through the concept of the “shadow.” The shadow consists of repressed emotions, denied desires, personality traits that are hard to accept, and aspects that are not approved by society. This concept is sometimes confused with Freud’s id; however, Jung’s shadow includes not only our instinctual sides but all psychological content that has not been accepted by consciousness. Traits in others that deeply disturb us or evoke intense anger or admiration often carry traces of our own shadow, and recognizing this requires profound self-awareness. As its name suggests, the shadow represents our darkest and most hidden side, and confronting this side is more difficult than we think. For this reason, people often tend to avoid facing this aspect of themselves, choosing projection outward instead.
According to Jung, when a person avoids confronting themselves, they turn the mirror toward the outside world. The people we label as “selfish” may represent parts of ourselves that struggle to express their own needs. Those we see as “weak” remind us of the vulnerability we have repressed within ourselves. At times, even the people we admire excessively may be reflections of potentials we have not been able to develop within ourselves. The mirror shows not only what we dislike, but also what we idealize — another form of projection that reveals both the shadow and the path toward self-awareness.
However, this situation is more than a destiny. Being able to recognize it is, in fact, one of the greatest sources of light on the path to one’s own unconscious. Questions such as “Why do I feel such intense emotions toward this person?”, “Why does this behavior trigger me so strongly?”, or “Why does being in this situation make me feel this way?” are harbingers of profound insight. If an individual can honestly admit to themselves their thoughts, feelings, reactions, and emotions toward others, they can obtain important clues about their own deficiencies, needs, and excesses. When the mirror is used not for blame but for insight and awareness, it can become a transformative tool, where projection dissolves and self-awareness strengthens, allowing the shadow to integrate instead of dominate.
In conclusion, human beings are not only observers of others; they are also a consciousness that comes to know itself through others. As Jung also stated, “Self-knowledge is the hardest but most necessary journey a person can undertake.” Facing the mirror may require great courage, but it should not be forgotten that the greatest courage lies not in holding the mirror outward, but in turning it toward oneself. And it is then that we can realize how unique and invaluable we are, with all our beauty and flaws — transforming projection into self-awareness, and the shadow into understanding.