If there were a virus spreading all over the world and it affected the love of your life, causing him to gradually lose his memory, what would you do?
Little Fish is a movie set in the near future, portraying a couple’s struggle to hold their relationship together as a memory-loss virus spreads and threatens to erase the history of their love.
The disease, known as Neuroinflammatory Affliction (NIA), can progress either gradually or suddenly. In the film, the male lead, Jude, is diagnosed with NIA. Once he begins showing symptoms, his wife Emma applies for a treatment program. However, the catch is that the treatment is experimental and not guaranteed to work. As the couple struggles with the traumatic consequences of NIA, they eventually discover that Jude will not be included in the trial. From that point on, the audience witnesses the intense and emotional journey of the couple as they try to find a way to navigate love, loss, and uncertainty together.
After Little Fish, the question that appears in minds is: “If there is no recollection of the days you spend with your loved one, does the relationship still exist?”
The relationship between affection toward someone and memory loss is actually demonstrated within the scope of psychology. Wolf and Nusser studied intimacy with two aspects like feelings of warmth and relationship closeness. The study suggested that recalling positive autobiographical memories tends to boost intimacy, warmth, and closeness between partners. Negative memories, like conflicts between partners, can reduce those feelings of warmth; however, whether they hurt intimacy depends on how important the memory was and how the conflict was managed (Wolf & Nusser, 2024). Nevertheless, in the film, it can be seen that even the most enduring memories, such as one’s own wedding, may fade, while the attachment one maintains with their partner can help preserve the emotional bond.
The Psychological Dimensions of Memory and Connection
Furthermore, another research contains data picked out from 19 couples where one partner has memory loss (e.g., Alzheimer’s). The study centers around three themes:
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Shared and Separate Activities
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Emotional Bond, Shared Past, and Closeness
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Core Identity of the Relationship (Hernandez et al., 2017).
In the first theme, some couples in the study placed the greatest importance on the activities and interests they enjoyed together, while others emphasized the value of pursuing their own independent hobbies as central to their sense of being a couple.
Another theme that emerged concerned the ways partners felt emotionally connected. This included the significance of a long-shared history, the sense of closeness developed over time, and the comfort of being able to disagree while still feeling secure in the relationship.
As the most consistent and striking theme, the third theme was what the researchers described as the core identity of the partnership. Participants often reflected on their personal identities, their identity as a couple, and the ways these two dimensions were interlinked. They found “couple identity” (what makes “us”) to be a source of strength. Shared activities, shared history, and sense of closeness help maintain their bond even though memory declines.
Referring to Little Fish, Emma tries hard to preserve her bond with Jude and to support their relationship in the best way she can.
Love Beyond Memory
Colquhoun et al. (2017) investigated the concept of memory loss and affection in Experiences of Loss and Relationship Quality in Couples Living with Dementia. In the end, emotional distress is common, relational losses threaten couple identity, but many couples try to maintain love, warmth, humour, and respect — the very elements that define their relationship.
As Jude’s memories begin to fade, he reminds Emma that although his illness will cause him to forget her, his feelings for her will remain unchanged.
Thus, the affection for one’s partner and the maintenance of the core of a relationship depend on the dedication that couples put in — and especially, the partner who has no memory problems should be the one to make more effort.
“What happens if both parties lose their memory?” is another question for another day.
References
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Internet Movie Database. (2020). Little Fish. Retrieved from https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5735410/
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Wolf, T., & Nusser, L. (2024). How remembering positive and negative events affects intimacy in romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 41(8), 2367–2386. https://doi.org/10.1177/02654075241235962
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Hernandez, E., Spencer, B., & Evert, A. (2017). “We are a Team”: Couple Identity and Memory Loss. Dementia, 16(3), 329–347. https://doi.org/10.1177/1471301217709604
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Colquhoun, A., Moses, J., & Olford, R. (2017). Experiences of loss and relationship quality in couples living with dementia. Dementia, 16(6), 723–740. https://doi.org/10.1177/1471301217744597