The concept of limerence was introduced into the literature by Dorothy Tennov. At its simplest, this concept can be defined as an intense emotional attachment to a person, romantic thoughts about them, and the feeling of being noticed or reciprocated by that person.
WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS OF LIMERENCE?
Obsessively thinking about someone and building grand fantasies about them, interpreting even the smallest and often meaningless gestures from the other person as significant, alongside physical symptoms such as stomach pain, cramps, heart palpitations, and changes in appetite, are all signs of limerence.
Although the term “limerence” may not be widely known, many people have experienced this state themselves or witnessed it closely in others.
To make these points more memorable, let’s look at a real-life inspired case example:
Can’s Story: A Case of Romantic Obsession
Can was immediately impressed and attracted to Elif when they first met through a friend group. Their conversations were brief and superficial, yet Elif was deeply etched in Can’s mind.
From that very first moment, Can couldn’t think about anything other than Elif. He remembered every detail about her, secretly listened to every conversation she had with others in their social circle, and mentally noted everything.
Can added Elif on social media to become friends and tried to gather information about her from there. He constantly checked if she was online, tracked her number of followers and posts. When Elif shared a story, Can would interpret the lyrics of the song as hidden messages meant for him.
Elif was polite toward Can but did not show any special interest. Still, Can created the possibility of a “relationship” from every small interaction and dreamed about her. Sometimes, he would message Elif and feel upset for days if she responded late.
He lived with the feeling that “something is about to start,” but nothing ever did. This intense emotional state continued for months. Although Can described his feelings as “being in love,” what he actually experienced was an unrequited, obsessive attachment.
LOVE OR LIMERENCE?
There are simple but specific differences between true love and limerence.
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In limerence, a person idealizes their partner and ignores their flaws.
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In true love, one accepts the partner as they are — flaws and all.
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Love is not based on just receiving affection but represents a mutual exchange.
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In limerence, the person strives solely to receive the partner’s love.
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Love involves strong, balanced, and mutual bonds.
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Limerence is characterized by uncontrollable, obsessive, and intrusive thoughts.
In love, individuals give each other and the relationship time, as well as space for their personal needs — the opposite is true in limerence.
As we see, these two emotional states have both similarities and differences, which is why they are often confused. Many times, what is thought to be love is actually limerence; however, limerence is not healthy love but a romantic obsession.
WHY DOES LIMERENCE OCCUR?
Many different factors can shape people’s romantic and everyday interpersonal relationships. One of the most important factors determining relationship dynamics is individuals’ attachment styles.
Limerence is particularly common among those with anxious attachment styles. These individuals are more prone to emotional fluctuations and harbor fears of abandonment and loneliness. Additionally, they have needs for approval and acceptance.
This causes the characteristic limerence dilemma of “does he/she love me or not?” to persistently trouble them.
Furthermore, past experiences of unrequited, toxic, or incomplete relationships can pave the way for limerence. Without realizing it, a person may seek the love they couldn’t get in the past from a difficult-to-reach figure.
HOW TO COPE WITH LIMERENCE?
Limerence is a challenging and intense emotional process, but it is possible to overcome it.
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Recognize the Emotion:
The first step is recognizing that the feelings experienced are not love but an obsessive pattern occurring in the mind. -
Identify Triggers:
It is essential for the person to analyze the triggers that activate this state (for example, the urge to check if the other person is online). -
Increase Awareness and Insight:
Improving insight, consciousness, and awareness levels with the support of a mental health professional is key. -
Use Evidence-Based Therapy Methods:
Therapy approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Schema Therapy, and Mindfulness can help the process progress more healthily.
CONCLUSION
Understanding and transforming our emotions without suppressing them is the first and most effective step toward psychological healing.
Limerence may feel like love, but it is often a romantic obsession that stems from deeper attachment insecurities and unresolved emotional needs. Recognizing it is not a weakness — it’s a step toward growth.