True love must have a connection with hands that don’t get cold…
…We thought that the feeling of cold water as if it were warm while our hands were freezing was love… However, if you become a hand to the frozen hands and share the love in your palm, you will love…
Do you know Erich Fromm’s book, “The Art of Loving”? If you are confused not only in your mind but also in your soul about the definition of love, “The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm” will answer your questions.
My favorite quote from the book is:
“Loving someone is not just a strong emotion; it is a decision, a judgment, a promise. If love consisted only of emotion, there would be no need to promise to love each other until death. Emotions come and go. How can we know that the emotion will last until death if there is no judgment or decision involved in the action?”
If we look at love from a historical perspective, we see how old and deep it is. We also understand that it is actually an emotional experience. That is why many different cultures have tried to define love. Societies have also sought ways to feel and experience love.
So can love really be defined?
Let’s see how love appears from different psychological perspectives. For example, the psychological effect of love on mental health resonates through the mind’s unity with emotions. The meaning of love and how to interpret it seems to be the work of a philosophical perspective on love.
The social model of love is also included among other effects as the reflection of interpersonal relationships on society (social effects of love).
There is more than one kind of love hidden in every story… Every person perceives and experiences love differently… Like art… Like a fingerprint… The point is that different ways of loving come to life with our consciousness — that is, those two different ways of loving come together on a path, in a possibility…
However, possibility covers every moment. You may get lost in the same perception of loving, but you grow and become rich by coming into contact with different styles of love…
If we are honest with each other and share our stories, love can find its place in our memories and emotional bonds…
Sometimes it cries out and sometimes it remains hidden… But it is generally a long-term, unhurried feeling.
Love actually supports a person’s sense of existence. It cannot be used in place of another moment, but sometimes it can be accompanied by excitement and sometimes by sadness…
However, in its most permeable form, love should belong to the network of memories in the present moment — the here and now…
Love is the great announcement of both feeling and thought. At the same time, it is a meaningful emotional and spiritual respite where we find a place for ourselves in the richness of good and bad…
So, does the expression “despite love” seem familiar in your life? Sometimes there can be moments like this in the story.
“If you love, if you loved, if you had loved” is used as a threat. That’s exactly why we ask: What kind of love is there in your story?
There is love, but what kind of loving is there? Fromm’s emphasis on action in love comes to life here again.
This style of loving is affected by your attachment style, personality, perception, life experiences, and the way you look and feel in your emotional dynamics.
And sometimes it is triggered. The sacredness of love is in the way it is presented. It is valuable to emphasize that love is an existential issue.
It is not just a feeling, it is a bond based on action. It is also a source of emotional motivation.
Love is present in all relationship types; friend, acquaintance, family…
But did you know that you need to love yourself for a healthy love in all relationships?
The compassion you show yourself makes reaching out to another person meaningful.
In order for us to feel compassion for ourselves and love ourselves, the obstacles in front of us — guilt, past learned behaviors, negative life experiences — may challenge us.
Self-love and self-acceptance should be despite everything, and together with everything.
Do you remember when you were a child and your leg got injured because you fell after running? The reason you fell was expressed by adults as:
“You fell because you were running. You wouldn’t have fallen if you hadn’t run.”
Yes, you wouldn’t have fallen if you hadn’t run, but doesn’t the uncompassionate and accusatory tone about running prevent you from taking care of the wound?
We need to learn compassion and self-love so that we can touch our wounds with our whole being.
A client once asked: Can love be learned?
Is love an emotion that can be developed and cultivated?
Emotions cannot be learned, but if understanding, making connections, evaluating with perspective, and managing emotions by understanding them means “learning love“, then yes…
If we look at the connection between love and psychological well-being, its healing power stands out.
The healing, transforming, and unifying power of love is very valuable.
What about Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory is the main concept in initiating, sustaining, and ending love.
Because the first story is the bond that develops between us and our first caregiver…
Then this attachment style echoes in our other relationships.
We can show different attachment styles in different relationships. But one of the styles seems more dominant, widespread, and cyclical.
This can be challenging. After a certain level of awareness, a new struggle can begin to break this emotional cycle.
Usually, the healthiest way out of this struggle is psychotherapy.
Psychotherapy is a valuable companion because it is a self-help art and a safe space.
Attachment is a world of its own. Let entering this world more deeply belong to another time. Let this knowledge remain in our pocket for now. Maybe this is how the first awareness begins…
So, what kind of love is in your story?
It should not be forgotten that love is hidden throughout the story of our lives…
Love is a deep action… a deep experience…
If the line “Love my brother” is heard, love will be revealed in everyone’s unique emotional story…
Then the world will be a better place.
True love has a connection with hands that don’t get cold…