“To put in the way and leave in the way” is emotional violence.
“Shall we catch the ‘psychological violence person’ together?” “I see, I hear, I feel with all my senses, but I can’t catch it,” “I can’t get help, I can’t prove it,” “Even though I realize it, I can’t support myself,” “Why do I feel guilty?” etc. Does this sound familiar as the words of someone who’s been affected? If it does, let’s collaborate and catch the psychological violence person together. What do you think?
Psychological violence targets the mind, causing deep cracks and wounds that tear through the beautiful parts within you, the parts trying to stay beautiful; PSYCHOLOGICAL VIOLENCE…
To understand whether the situation you’re experiencing involves emotional violence, the most critical behavioral sign is the creation of intense mental fog and continuity. If someone is telling you that they are being subjected to psychological violence, this situation should show continuity because emotional violence consists of actions that repeat over time. It will echo in your mind, “This person keeps doing this behavior to me.” In fact, the fact that what is in our home (our deep soul) is being stolen and diminished day by day expresses what is happening much better. Various psychological disorders can be observed in those exposed to this type of violence. In addition to feeling inadequate and worthless because of living under control and in fear, depression, feelings of guilt, addictions, eating disorders, sleep disorders, social relationship breakdowns, tendency to suicide, etc. can also be added to psychological disorders. The damage to the self creates such damage that the person begins to force his or her own existence in a distorted way. The person’s self is damaged and existence becomes difficult.
One of my clients once asked: “Is it emotional violence if someone promises something and doesn’t keep their word?” The answer is: Yes… If this person transparently and fully explains to you why they couldn’t fulfill their promise, and if this explanation allows you to make rational decisions without creating an obstacle to your trust and mind, then this is a dialogue, a decision, and a sharing. However, if you feel that you are being stalled, if the explanation was not honest, or if no new information was provided, then this is a manipulative behavior. All communications, words, and later actions are built on this. Therefore, if there is an update in information, both parties should be made aware. Think of it in the simplest way: You said, “Let’s meet at 2 PM tomorrow,” but your word changed, and you didn’t explain it. By the way, the person waited for you. In no area of life should this kind of harmful, emotional, or mental waiting be created. Furthermore, being judged with phrases like “you’re too sensitive” or “there’s nothing to feel about this” is emotional manipulation.
There can be misunderstandings in relationships and communications; you may misunderstand something, ask about it, and engage in a healthy partnership to find the right point. This is a healthy partnership. As long as there is transparency, damage is either nonexistent or minimal. In a story where there is a punisher and a punished, violence will exist, either latent or apparent.
It is also a misconception to consider psychological violence as a concept exclusive to romantic relationships. It is likely that you could be exposed to psychological violence in many areas of your life because we live in a world where human beings constantly collide with each other. In such collisions, the goal is often to break down your self-confidence, and it becomes a matter of time before the chronic sense of inadequacy paralyzes you. Usually, we feel more helpless and anxious when we find ourselves in something unknown; however, knowing what you are fighting against eliminates uncertainty and creates a richer state of survival and resilience.
So, are we getting closer to catching the “psychological violence person”?
To recognize the “psychological violence person”, you may want to observe the person’s attachment relationship with their parents, particularly their mother. Over time, the unhealthy attachment relationship between them and their parent will begin to reflect on you. These people often steal the emotional needs of others, creating a sense of control and manipulation, belittling, supervising, and punishing them. In the parent-child model, this kind of manipulative captivity is unconsciously accepted. These individuals believe that the only method they know is normal and healthy, and they often drag their partners into this pathology. Here, you are the one being dragged. However, your love should grow peacefully, securely, and freely, right?
In order for psychological trauma to heal, the victim must first express the violence openly. Hiding it does not benefit anyone. But the person must choose the right time and people to talk about their wound. The perpetrator and the victim must be clearly identified. For recovery, recognition is as important as acceptance (awareness). Only in this way can change begin. This often resonates in the therapy room, which is the right place.
The balance between the inner world and external reality keeps us standing… Emotional violence creates internal wounds and disrupts the balance in terms of mental health, which is why functional losses are also seen in our outer world. Low self-confidence, damaged self-esteem, and depression can often be seen in these people… We usually see the person who was exposed (victim) in the therapy room. Guilt has deepened so much that it will be painful to organize and make sense of the story; however, taking the first therapeutic step for the person is a very important step towards liberation. Being in a therapeutic relationship with a professional (psychologist) with whom you will work in collaboration is a valuable inner journey.
What makes recovery difficult is the guilt felt by the person who has experienced emotional violence. If possible, cutting ties with the person and situation that created this condition is the best decision. After that, the damage spreading throughout their life must be evaluated in terms of their personality and mental structure. Not being aware or not accepting are our most significant obstacles. Good memories increase resilience. It should not be forgotten that some attitudes and behaviors can be open to misperceptions. It is valuable to evaluate ourselves, to ask ourselves questions, and to be able to self-report. To prevent the continuation of emotional violence, these need to be accurately evaluated. Empathy, correct approaches, and solutions are of great importance. The adult’s words and actions must be compatible. If one day you find yourself stuck between words and actions and you can’t get out of it despite your mind bargaining hard, choose actions.
With all your wounds, despite everything, how you feel is always valuable. You have two hands, hold on to yourself. We mourn our disappointments, and we must, but it will change, transform… What happens next? What happens next is goodness… beauty…