Ghosting means “to become a ghost” in English and is characterized by a person suddenly cutting off communication and disappearing without explanation. This situation is often encountered in newly started relationships. The “ghosting” phenomenon has become widespread and a notable topic, especially in recent years, in online chats and contemporary relationships. Ghosting has a deeper structure that cannot be explained solely by a lack of communication or immaturity. It is seen that this behavior is directly related to the fight-or-flight response, which is one of the human defense mechanisms. This article aims to address the evolutionary origins of ghosting and its connection to the fight-or-flight response from a psychological perspective.
What Is The Fight Or Flight Response?
Biological responses that are automatically given by our body and mind when any threat is perceived:
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Fight: The behavior of confronting and trying to solve the problem
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Flight: The behavior of distancing and avoiding, disappearing
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Additionally, there is a third response: freezing
The fight-or-flight system, which is activated in situations perceived as threats by the amygdala, directs the individual either to respond to the threat or to escape from it. This mechanism, which has evolved for physical dangers, now operates in the face of interpersonal relationships and social threats. Fear of rejection and situations where emotional responsibility must be taken can be perceived as threats by the brain. Therefore, the fight-or-flight response has become increasingly common in dealing with threats.
In this context, ghosting emerges as an avoidance behavior. When a person feels unable to bear the emotional burden within the relationship and perceives taking responsibility as a threat, they may choose to completely cut off communication. This choice may not always be conscious; in most cases, the person automatically tends to avoid the situation in the face of a stressful emotional situation.
According to Koçak (2021), an individual who ghosts exhibits this behavior to protect themselves when they think they cannot bear the emotional cost of maintaining communication. Therefore, ghosting is not only an easy way to end a relationship but also a social manifestation of a biological defense reflex.
Attachment Theory And Ghosting
Attachment theory provides an important framework for explaining ghosting.
Individuals with avoidant attachment are disturbed by boundary violations in their romantic and daily relationships. To avoid experiencing boundary violations, they may stay away from intimacy, feel trapped, or avoid situations that require open communication.
Mikulincer and Shaver (2016) state that individuals with avoidant attachment tend to withdraw, especially in times of stress. This characteristic makes ghosting more likely as a defensive behavior.
For such individuals, as the relationship deepens, this situation can be perceived as a potential threat, and they may prefer to escape rather than fight.
The person exposed to ghosting often initially tries to make sense of the situation in a way similar to the fight response; texting, asking for an explanation, or trying to find out if there has been a misunderstanding can be evaluated within this scope.
As the lack of response prolongs, the individual begins to withdraw similarly to the flight response. However, in some cases, it manifests as a third response known as the freezing response.
According to Schmidt et al. (2008), the freezing response is related to the person’s inability to know what to do in the face of a threat. In individuals experiencing ghosting, this response can be seen as an intense feeling of uncertainty and self-blame.
The Destruction Caused By Ghosting
The destruction caused by ghosting is psychologically challenging. Since there is no explanation from the other party, the person has to cope with both the feeling of rejection and uncertainty. This situation is considered one of the most painful experiences in modern relationships.
Yıldırım and Demir (2022) state that ghosting has a more intense emotional impact in societies like Turkish culture, where social closeness and emotional openness are valued. In such cultures, disappearing silently can be perceived as more destructive because it contradicts social norms and communication habits.
As a result, while ghosting is frequently encountered in contemporary relationships, its psychological foundation is based on a much deeper defense mechanism. The reshaping of the fight-or-flight response in the face of emotional threats facilitates understanding the emergence of ghosting.
This behavior is often an automatic coping mechanism developed by the individual in response to stress and anxiety rather than a conscious choice. Evaluating ghosting through these biological and psychological foundations can help both those who engage in the behavior and those who are subjected to it to understand their experiences more healthily.
Understanding such behaviors in digital age relationships from a scientific perspective is important for developing more empathetic and conscious communication practices.
References
Cannon, W. B. (1932). W. W. Norton.
Koçak, B. (2021). The psychological dimensions of ghosting behavior in digital relationships, 24(1), 45–59.
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Schmidt, N. B., Richey, J. A., Cromer, K. R., & Buckner, J. D. (2008). Anxiety sensitivity and the fear response system, 46(12), 1395–1403.
Yıldırım, İ., & Demir, A. (2022). Relationships in the digital age: Ghosting behavior and its social effects, 10(2), 88–104.