The fast pace of modern life often leads parents to rush through their daily routines, constantly managing a never-ending to-do list. In this environment, children are exposed to demanding schedules, constant direction, and an emphasis on achievement from a young age. However, the slow parenting approach, which has gained popularity in recent years, highlights the importance of an unhurried, present, sensitive, and intuitive care model for a child development (Honoré, 2004).
“Between work, home, kids’ needs, and social life, I can barely find time for myself, let alone slow down.” Does that sound familiar? Sometimes, it feels like 24 hours just isn’t enough, right? We often ask ourselves at the end of the day, “How did today, this week, this month, or even this year fly by?” Amidst all this rushing and hustling, we might forget that we’re growing alongside our children, and we might even expect them to keep up with our pace. Over time, certain behavioral changes in children can signal to parents that it’s time to slow down.
The Foundations of Slow Parenting
Slow parenting is an approach focused on discovering a child’s unique traits, identifying their needs, and planning daily interactions calmly rather than hastily. In this model, parents choose to respect their child’s individuality and adapt to their pace. They don’t try to accelerate the child’s development or changes. This helps the child feel secure and build emotional connection more easily (Payne & Ross, 2010). Let’s look at a few common examples that illustrate this.
Case Example 1: Ms. Gülce’s Hectic Mornings
Ms. Gülce was constantly stressed trying to get her daughter ready for school each morning. Breakfasts were rushed, and voices sometimes got louder to make it to the school bus on time. Ms. Gülce began to reflect when she noticed her daughter becoming increasingly angry and irritable. She realized she was living life at a frantic pace and expected her daughter to match it, even though her daughter was only in kindergarten and couldn’t easily adapt to such a rushed routine. Ms. Gülce researched the topic and understood that while she would teach her daughter responsibility, she needed to be calmer and manage her time better. After attending a slow parenting seminar, Ms. Gülce decided to change some of her habits. To manage time more calmly and effectively, she and her daughter, along with her husband, collaboratively defined sleep schedules, daily task planning, her daughter’s responsibilities, and shared chores. They established clear rules. Ms. Gülce and her husband took the first step by waking up earlier to enjoy breakfast conversations with their daughter. As they patiently and determinedly implemented these changes, the family noticed their daughter’s restlessness gradually replaced by calmness in their new routine.
The Unhurried Pace of Bonding
Bowlby’s attachment theory argues that the relationship a child forms with their primary caregiver shapes their future attachment styles (Bowlby, 1988). The slow parenting approach allows this relationship to develop without haste, fostering mutual emotional connection. When parents try to understand their child’s emotions rather than quickly dismissing them, the child feels more valued, and their child development is supported.
Interactions between parents and children are not just about physical care; they are also a source of emotional nourishment. Therefore, slow parenting is not merely a behavioral approach but a form of care rooted in high emotional awareness (Siegel & Bryson, 2012). The depth of the emotional connection we build with our children, their feeling understood, and their parents recognizing their needs and guiding them accordingly, will positively impact their personality development and help them build healthy bonds.
Case Example 2: Mr. Murat’s Work Demands
Mr. Murat wanted to spend quality time with his son, Ali, during the day, but he couldn’t because of constant emails and endless meetings. When Ali came to his father, wanting to share something, Mr. Murat would often say, “Just a minute, son,” and then get absorbed in his computer or phone, forgetting about Ali. Over time, Mr. Murat noticed an increase in Ali’s temper tantrums and took his son to therapy to understand the cause. During this process, Mr. Murat realized he wasn’t truly dedicating any time to Ali and couldn’t focus on communicating with him while working. Consequently, Ali’s need for an emotional connection with his father wasn’t being met. Mr. Murat began spending just 30 minutes a day with Ali, phone-free and without any other plans. By consistently dedicating this short but focused time entirely to Ali, he soon noticed positive changes emerging in his son, himself, and their relationship.
The Role of Calmness in Child Development
Slow parenting advocates creating an environment where children can make their own decisions, make mistakes, and discover themselves. When parents observe their child’s experiences without immediate intervention, it supports the child’s development of autonomy. This helps the child become a self-confident individual (Kabat-Zinn & Kabat-Zinn, 1997).
Children with developed mental and emotional awareness are better equipped to cope with stress, solve problems, take responsibility, and persevere. These skills develop when children’s emotions are acknowledged and processed without being rushed. Slow parenting allows time for this emotional regulation. Giving them age-appropriate responsibilities, guiding them, and most importantly, providing realistic, constructive, and positive feedback by giving them time, will significantly contribute to their learning essential life skills.
Case Example 3: Ms. Zeynep’s Quick Fixes for Crying
When her three-year-old daughter cried, Ms. Zeynep immediately tried to quiet her with toys or food. However, these were not lasting or deep solutions. Ms. Zeynep wanted to quickly calm her daughter and get her to play so she could promptly attend to her own other responsibilities after meeting her daughter’s needs. But her daughter’s crying didn’t subside. With the guidance of an expert, Ms. Zeynep realized that crying is a form of communication. Now, when her daughter cries, she first tries to understand her daughter’s feelings, and then they look for a solution together. This approach led to her daughter crying less and expressing herself more easily.
An Alternative to the Societal Culture of Speed
Slow parenting is more than just individual awareness; it also highlights children’s rights in society, their right to play, and the importance of individual and age-specific developmental pace. Accepting that all children develop at their own speed supports the widespread adoption of child-centered practices in various fields, from education to healthcare (Schor, 2004).
Slow parenting also requires parents to confront their own past. A parent aware of their childhood experiences can transform this legacy, offering their children a healthier emotional environment. This approach supports not only individual well-being but also societal well-being. Children who grow up with healthier communication will become sensitive, responsible adults who make positive contributions to society and to every individual they nurture and influence.
Conclusion
Slow parenting reminds us that raising children requires attention and awareness more than speed. Slowing down in daily life can be healing for both children and parents. Every child is unique, and their story should be written with patience, attention, and love. Parents grow alongside their children. Of course, we will guide them in life, teaching them what we know and showing them the way with our experiences. But we should do so calmly and deeply, accepting mistakes and working to repair them, rather than rushing.
I’d like to conclude with a profound and meaningful quote from the esteemed Educator and Author, Dr. Bahar Eriş: “EVERY CHILD PROGRESSES AT THEIR OWN SPEED, PLEASE DO NOT PUSH THEM FROM BEHIND.”
References
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A secure base: Parent-child attachment and healthy human development. Basic Books.
- Honoré, C. (2004). In praise of slow: Challenging the cult of speed. HarperOne.
- Kabat-Zinn, M., & Kabat-Zinn, J. (1997). Everyday blessings: The inner work of mindful parenting. Hachette Books.
- Payne, K., & Ross, L. (2010). Simplicity parenting: Using the extraordinary power of less to raise calmer, happier, and more secure kids. Ballantine Books.
- Schor, J. (2004). Born to buy: The commercialized child and the new consumer culture. Scribner.
- Siegel, D. J., & Bryson, T. P. (2012). The whole-brain child: 12 revolutionary strategies to nurture your child’s developing mind. Bantam Books.