Sexuality is a very powerful term that is both widely discussed and considered taboo. The fish species Microbrachius Dicki, which lived in the waters of Scotland 385 million years ago, is known as the first example of sexual reproduction instead of spawning. According to scientists, fish later forgot this method, and after a few million years, sexual reproduction reappeared with sharks. However, it is unknown whether fish discovered this for reproduction, to explore the pleasure of sexual intercourse, or, like dolphins, to experience orgasms multiple times.
So, when did humans start seeing sexuality as a source of pleasure rather than just a way to continue their lineage? Erotic pictures first appeared in 16th-century Italy with I Modi. Although its creator, Marcantonio Raimondi, did not aim to arouse desire, these images can be considered pornographic from a modern perspective. In tantric teachings, sexuality was seen as more than just physical pleasure; it was a way to achieve spiritual enlightenment. In Mesopotamia, some temples had priestesses who performed sexual rituals to connect gods and humans. In Papua New Guinea, there is a tribe where homosexual relationships are part of the transition to adulthood.
The pleasure felt during sex encourages its continuation, while the oxytocin hormone released during orgasm helps strengthen the bond between partners. A study by University College London suggests that masturbation dates back 40 million years. Another study published in Proceedings of the Royal Society B states that masturbation not only makes reproduction with fresh sperm healthier but also helps clean the genital system after intercourse, reducing the risk of infection. The lead researcher, Brindle, highlights that masturbation is common and natural in the animal world.
In the past, love seemed to exist for love itself, and sexuality was just a part of it. However, today, we often see relationships where sexuality is the main focus and a key part of attraction. Some people enjoy this, while others miss the old-fashioned romance and slower approach to relationships. But when did fast consumption become normal? When did sex start being just about sex?
In traditional societies, premarital sex was not accepted, but in more modern communities, many believe it is normal and even necessary. They argue that if sexuality does not satisfy both partners, the marriage may not be healthy. One of my clients, who attended only one session, had never had a sexual experience with his partner before marriage. After marriage, his partner expressed fear of sex. This marriage lasted two years, and my client said his anxiety disorder started affecting his daily life. When I asked whether he had considered premarital sex or discussed it, he firmly said no. However, the only question he asked me during the session was: “How can I prevent this from happening in my next marriage?”
Every relationship dynamic is different. Partners may have different desires, different timelines, and different conditions for intimacy. In the case of my client, one partner wanted a marriage with a sexual relationship, while the other did not. There could be many reasons for this: some people do not want sex in general, some may have past trauma, some may not want it with that specific person (which does not mean they do not love them), some may have different priorities, or they may not feel emotionally connected enough to engage in sex.
Would their marriage have been healthier if they had discussed sexuality before getting married? If both partners were open to talking about it, then yes, quite possibly. But if one was open and the other was not, a healthy solution would still not be possible. The phrase “Every relationship dynamic is different” is important here. Comparing relationshipsis not helpful because every couple has different expectations. The key to a strong relationship is open and honest communication. Couples who express what they want, how they want it, and when they want it are more likely to find solutions, even if the outcome is not what they hoped for.
In one of my couple therapy sessions, one partner said she wanted an open relationship while still feeling a deep emotional bond with her current partner. However, the other partner questioned why such a thing was necessary and did not support the idea. Having different expectations does not always mean one partner loves the other less, it may just mean they prefer a different type of relationship. What matters most is finding a partner who is willing to understand and be understood, so we can enrich our experiences in a meaningful way. Romantic relationships and sexuality have different meanings and priorities for everyone.
Social norms have shaped how men and women view sexuality, and society expects people to follow these norms. For men, sexuality is often linked to power and status, while for women, it is associated with emotions and hormones. These expectations have made it difficult for people to express their desires freely. Today, sex is no longer just a physical act, it has become a lifestyle. The rise of dating apps and social media has made communication faster and easier, changing the way people approach relationships. But as life speeds up, are we also making sexuality more superficial and turning it into something to be consumed?
Taboos, boundaries, and norms evolve with each generation. In a time when people are questioning and expressing their emotions more openly, our perspective on sexuality is also changing. Our search for identity is a central part of life, and it continues to shape us. As we go through this process, let’s hope to find our true selves without losing our own voice.
References
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Morelle, R. (2014, October 15). Scientists discover the origin of copulation. BBC News. https://www.bbc.com/news/science-environment-29661446
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Turner, J. G. (Year). Invention and sexuality in the Raphael workshop: Before the Modi. [Journal/Book Name, Volume(Issue)], Page(s).
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Brindle, M., Ferguson-Gow, H., Williamson, J., Thomsen, R., & Sommer, V. (2023, June 7). The evolution of masturbation is associated with postcopulatory selection and pathogen avoidance in primates. Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 290(1993), 20230061.