When we encounter an emotion in our daily lives, we usually try to avoid it or let it overtake us, that is, we surrender to it.
In fact, our emotions are just guides to our thoughts that want to tell us something, that are waiting to be resolved. In modern psychology, this is called functional signaling. Functional signaling means questioning the intention of emotions and understanding why they arise, what they are trying to serve. Questioning the purpose of emotions, i.e., asking, “What does this emotion serve?” is a way of looking at our inner world in a more open and engaging way.
Emotions from an Evolutionary Perspective
Our emotions do not develop randomly. From an evolutionary perspective, each basic emotion plays a role in helping us to survive. For example, fear wants to protect us from danger, while anger wants to help us maintain our boundaries. From this perspective, instead of just calling our emotions good or bad, calling them markers that carry a purpose will help us make more sense of life.
In the words of neuroscientist Antonio Damasio, “Emotions are biological signals that shape the decisions that keep us alive.” (Descartes’ Error, 1994)
With this perspective, it is possible to approach our emotions not as enemies but as friends with a message behind emotions.
Should We Suppress Negative Emotions? Should We Listen?
Feelings of guilt, jealousy, shame, and so on are often categorized as negative emotions. When we experience these emotions, we immediately want to suppress them. However, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) advocates being open to emotions instead of fighting them. According to ACT, emotions are a natural part of life, and avoiding them can increase psychological pain. Steven C. Hayes, one of the founders of ACT, puts it this way: “The more we try to escape pain, the more we miss life.” (Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life, 2005)
What Are Emotions Trying to Tell?
Every emotion arises from a need or a perceived threat. For example, someone who experiences anxiety in social situations may feel anxiety on the surface, but the underlying message may simply be “I want to be accepted.” Likewise, someone who feels guilt may be really thinking, “I want to be a good person in my human relationships.” Therapist Tara Brach says the following about this: “There is a need hidden in negative emotions that is waiting to be recognized.” (Radical Acceptance, 2003)
In this context, questioning the intention of the emotion is not about getting rid of the emotion, but about listening to the need underneath the emotion.
Emotions from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
According to the ACT approach, psychological resilience is possible when one approaches challenging inner experiences (feelings, thoughts, or body sensations) openly, rather than struggling with them. A metaphor we often use in psychotherapies is the “traveling companion.” A challenging emotion, for example fear, is a traveling companion in the same car with us. Trying to throw it out of the car, yes, it is possible, albeit difficult. It is also possible to give it the steering wheel. Which of these two options do you think is the most reasonable? Actually, the healthiest way is to accept the existence of this feeling and take the wheel.
ACT has six basic stages, three of which are directly related to emotions. The first stage is “Acceptance.” It tells us to allow challenging emotions instead of fighting them. The second stage is mindfulness, also known as “Mindfulness.” It means witnessing the fleeting nature of emotions. And the final stage is “cognitive dissociation.” It emphasizes the importance of separating ourselves from the emotion by saying “I feel anger” instead of “I am angry.” With these methods, the person begins to understand what their emotions are without suppressing them and directs their life.
Emotional Awareness: “What is this emotion trying to do?”
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, it is very important that individuals have the ability to see their emotions as a signal. When you encounter an emotion, what is this emotion trying to tell me? Could this emotion be indicating that my needs are not being met? How can I make space for this emotion instead of fighting it? What values can I follow?
With these questions, we connect with our emotions in a new way. When we approach with self-compassion, we can listen to our emotions instead of suppressing them.
We Don’t Want to Fight With Our Emotions, We Want a Dialog
Our emotions are there to guide us. Suppressing or ignoring them may seem calming in the short term, but in the long term, it creates an internal rupture. According to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, it is necessary to build a good relationship with emotions to repair this internal rupture. Psychological resilience means trying to understand emotions instead of fighting them and continuing to live in line with our values. According to Carl Jung, what is repressed is pushed into the unconscious, but one day it will surely appear as destiny. (Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious, 1959)
If we want to consciously manage our destiny, we need to learn to listen to our emotions. Because our emotions are our internal compass to make sense of our thoughts.
References
- Damasio, A. (1994). Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason, and the Human Brain. New York: Putnam.
- Hayes, S. C. (2005). Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
- Brach, T. (2003). Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha. New York: Bantam Books.
- Jung, C. G. (1959). Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious. Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.