Setting boundaries does not make us selfish. On the contrary, setting healthy boundaries helps us build less stressful and more understandable relationships. We cannot build healthy relationships if we struggle to establish boundaries. This is because our boundaries help us protect our self-esteem, and we can be flexible to the extent we allow them to be.
Essential Boundaries:
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Physical Boundaries: This defines a person’s physical and personal space. Any physical contact or touch from others that makes you uncomfortable is an invasion of your personal space. Expressing this or communicating your discomfort means you are setting your physical boundary.
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Emotional Boundaries: Everyone’s emotional sharing and needs should be respected. However, to avoid emotional abuse or manipulation, we must express our boundaries clearly. For example, if you find the way someone speaks to you or communicates inappropriate, it’s important to react and express your discomfort.
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Mental Boundaries: This relates to a person’s thoughts, beliefs, and ideas. Everyone has different values they support and believe in, and it is natural to protect these. We are not obligated to accept others’ beliefs. Disagreements are a sign of our differences, and not sharing the same perspective arises from the separation of our mental boundaries.
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Relational/Social Boundaries: This involves expressing one’s expectations in relationships and social situations. Everyone may have different needs in this regard. However, to protect our space, we have the right to refuse to be in a place or talk about a topic we don’t want to.
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Time Boundaries: This relates to how we manage our time in life. If we dedicate time to a situation we do not want to, we are taking time away from ourselves. For example, in professional life, we accept work obligations and frameworks. However, if these boundaries are exceeded, and we are expected to sacrifice our private livesunder the guise of dedication, we must be able to say “no.” Otherwise, we would allow our boundaries to be violated.
These boundaries can differ from person to person. The key here is for an individual to define their boundaries and express them with respect. While setting boundaries, we should not be influenced by others. First, we should ask ourselves, “What do I want?” If our answer does not align with what we are doing, we must take action to change or distance ourselves to protect our self-esteem.
Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
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In relationships, we may encounter challenging situations. This is where effective communication skills come into play. Communicating our boundaries to others effectively allows for easier acceptance of them.
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It’s important to express our boundaries clearly and confidently. However, we should not do this in an opposing or raised voice manner; we should communicate directly and openly.
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We should speak directly, not in a confused or uncertain way. Instead of saying what we do not want, we should communicate what we do want.
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Initially, it may be difficult to have our boundaries accepted, and some negative emotions may arise. These emotions can come from within us or from the reactions of others. However, it’s essential to accept these feelings (such as shame, guilt, or regret). Saying “no” does not make us selfish; on the contrary, it makes it easier to establish healthy boundaries and maintain healthy relationships.
When we set healthy boundaries, we do not allow anyone to cross them; this helps us control our role in relationships. In such relationships, we can freely express our feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. We can share our experiences without the fear of being criticized. Instead of expecting the other person to understand our expectations and feelings, we express them directly. In doing so, we maintain respect for ourselves and others and create more peaceful relationships free from stress and anxiety.
Conclusion:
If we do not set our boundaries and allow others to cross them, we will not have built a better relationship. People who give more concessions are not loved more; rather, over time, they can become forgotten and devalued. If a person does not value themselves, do not show respect, and do not set their boundaries, they cannot expect others to know and respect them. Instead of hoping others will respect our boundaries, we should draw clear and visible lines, ensuring that we do not allow our boundaries to be crossed. Relationships built on mutual respect and understanding are healthier and more sustainable in the long run.