For parents and professionals working with children, establishing healthy communication with them is crucial for improving the quality of the parent-child relationship and enhancing happiness within the family. Healthy communication positively impacts children’s emotional and social development while also helping parents spend harmonious time with their children. However, many parents may make several mistakes when communicating with their children. These mistakes usually stem from misunderstanding the messages and emotions conveyed by the child. For instance, children who are defiant, constantly say no, rebel, or frequently cry may often be feeling a lack of attention and love. Any negative behavior is an attempt by the child to express themselves, and if the underlying reasons are not understood, such behaviors can intensify.
Furthermore, children tend to imitate the communication styles and behaviors of their parents. If parents or siblings communicate by shouting, using violence, or resorting to sulking to get what they want, the child may also adopt these negative communication patterns. Therefore, establishing healthy communication requires parents to reflect on their attitudes and behaviors and to become positive role models.
Things You Can Try for Healthy Communication with Children
1. Get Down to the Child’s Eye Level During Communication
Let’s begin with a simple activity. Try this at home with your child or other family members. Sit on the floor and have the other person stand. Ask something from the standing person or talk about how your day went. Let the standing person continue the conversation with you. After a few minutes, stop and discuss how this experience made you feel.
You can also try this exercise by having the other person sit while you stand. In most cases, the person sitting i.e., being in a lower position during communication expresses discomfort. They often report feeling small, insignificant, powerless, and helpless. You might unknowingly be instilling these feelings in your child daily, drifting away from healthy communication. Especially when you are angry and raise your voice, your child’s emotional experience can be much more negative.
It is recommended to maintain equal height and eye contact in communication. When talking to your child, you can bend down to their level or kneel. Doing so will make the communication more enjoyable for both of you. Maintaining eye contact conveys the message that the person is being listened to and valued, and that your full attention is on them. Hence, getting down to their level and establishing eye contact are essential for healthy communication.
2. Focus Only on the Child While Talking
Another common mistake is trying to multitask while communicating. However, if our attention is elsewhere, it is impossible to engage in active listening and establish healthy communication. When your child tries to talk to you, you should, if possible, pause your tasks and focus on them. Get down to their level, make eye contact, and listen without distractions.
Use your facial expressions and body language to strengthen the interaction and show that you enjoy and are affected by the communication. Of course, it may not always be possible to leave your work and engage in meaningful communication. In such cases, pretending to listen, ignoring, or scolding is not appropriate. Instead, explain the importance or urgency of your current task to your child and assure them you’ll listen as soon as you’re done.
Alternative Communication: If you can’t finish your tasks, let your child know verbally that the task requires your full attention for now, but you’ll listen carefully in a moment. This helps them feel valued and positively influences communication.
3. Recognize Their Emotions and Help Them Express
Children may have difficulty expressing their emotions. Helping them recognize and understand their feelings is critical for healthy communication and building emotional intelligence.
- Naming Emotions: Introduce various emotions and help them name what they feel to enhance their emotional intelligence.
- Being a Role Model: When you express your own emotions, you become a good example for your child. For instance, share how your day went, your feelings, and how you cope with stress to encourage your child to express themselves similarly.
4. Reinforce Positive Behaviors
Noticing and rewarding children’s positive behaviors is another vital step in fostering healthy communication and strengthening the parent-child relationship.
- Encouraging Communication: Frequently acknowledge positive behaviors and reinforce them with small rewards. This helps children feel valued and encourages them to continue such behaviors.
- Express Appreciation: Regularly tell your child how much you appreciate their positive actions. This strengthens communication and builds a sense of trust.
Conclusion
In conclusion, building healthy communication with children not only supports their emotional and social development but also enriches the parent-child relationship. By considering these suggestions, you can create a healthier and more meaningful communication environment.