From the moment the morning alarm goes off, does a to-do list appear in your mind? A meeting at work, your child’s school needs, the situation of elderly family members, the order of the house, and among all of this, the effort to maintain the image of a “strong woman who does not neglect taking care of herself”… In the modern world, being a woman often means trying to “keep up” with many roles at the same time.
Society has long expected certain roles from women. Today, however, these roles continue not by disappearing, but by multiplying. Women are now expected not only to be self-sacrificing mothers or good daughters, but also to be successful in business life, attentive to their physical appearance, and flawless in their relationships. When these expectations come together, a pressure to constantly try to be enough emerges for women. So, how does trying to meet so many expectations at the same time affect our mental health?
Social Roles And The Illusion Of Perfection
According to sociology, social roles are patterns of behavior expected from individuals in certain positions. In the past, these roles were drawn with clearer boundaries. However, as women entered the public sphere more with modernity, their responsibilities at home did not decrease; on the contrary, they remained on their shoulders as a “second shift.”
Today, the myth of the “perfect woman in every area,” which confronts us everywhere through digital platforms and social acceptance, has become the new sacred value of modern life. This standard gives women the message: “Want everything, achieve everything, and while doing so, never look tired.” The mechanism of social approval works so powerfully that when a woman advances in her career but misses her child’s parent–teacher meeting, she feels the judgmental looks of society (and even of other women) on her. This external pressure eventually merges with the woman’s own inner voice and turns into an inevitable reality.
Psychological Burden: Internalized Guilt And Feelings Of Inadequacy
The most dangerous aspect of these external pressures is that after a while, they become our own thoughts. In psychology, we call this “internalized expectations.” The voice of society eventually turns into the woman’s own inner voice. There is no longer a need for someone else to say “You are inadequate”; the woman makes this criticism directly to herself when she looks in the mirror.
Taking on many different responsibilities at the same time naturally makes it difficult to keep up with everything. However, women tend to see this situation not as a social problem, but as their own personal inadequacy. Because of this perspective, even when they stop to rest, they feel guilty since their minds are occupied with tasks that still need to be done.
This situation leads to a chronic feeling of guilt. Thinking about responsibilities at home while at work, and unfinished work while at home, creates a sense of restlessness. As psychologists frequently emphasize, this constant feeling of being “incomplete” is one of the biggest factors damaging a woman’s self-esteem. The person gradually begins to live focused on meeting others’ expectations rather than their own desires.
The Search For Control In The Face Of Uncertainty And Mental Load
On top of all this role confusion, the “uncertainty” brought by the era we live in is added. Macro-level problems such as economic concerns and not knowing what the future will bring create serious anxiety in individuals.
Women usually take on the task of keeping everyone’s morale high and maintaining emotional balance within the family. Dealing with the anxieties of other family members, making sure everyone is okay, and managing moments of crisis are among women’s invisible responsibilities. This situation is called mental load. Mental load is not only physically doing a task, but also carrying the entire planning and follow-up process of that task in the mind. For example, just cooking dinner is a physical action; however, keeping track of what is missing at home, adjusting the budget, and planning according to everyone’s nutritional routine creates serious mental exhaustion. These invisible duties cause a woman’s mind to never fully rest.
As the feeling of uncertainty about the future increases, the method women generally use to cope with this situation is trying to control everything excessively. Planning every detail and staying constantly alert actually stems from an intolerance of uncertainty. The thought “If I do everything perfectly, I can prevent bad things from happening” is a belief that has no real basis and is very exhausting. This effort does not change events in the outside world; it only increases the individual’s stress level and fatigue.
Conclusion: Prioritizing One’s Own Needs Rather Than Expectations
Trying to perfectly keep up with every role at the same time is not a sustainable situation in the long run. This state of strain does not arise from the individual’s inadequacy, but from the unrealistic expectations created by society. Scientific research and experts state that the healthiest way to get rid of this pressure is to accept being “good enough” instead of perfectionism.
The first step in lightening this heavy burden on women is realizing that the stress they experience and the feeling of not being able to keep up are not their own fault. Asking for help, being able to say “no” when necessary, and most importantly, seeing rest not as a reward but as a basic need are essential. Because real strength does not lie in keeping up with everything, but in knowing one’s own limits and showing compassion to oneself.