Did the wind start a flame or snuff out a candle?
We all have dark mornings in our lives, and nights that make it hard to sleep… The pain of such times (traumatic memories) is recorded as pain that is difficult to forgive… There will be individual “pain”… there will be… Life is a constant state of finding balance again. None of us can stay in balance for a lifetime, we lose our balance and find it again. The pain we will talk about here is not an individual pain; it is called social mourning…
What is Social Mourning?
Social mourning includes moments when feelings of helplessness, anger, and unhappiness due to collective trauma are experienced at their peak. The companions in the nature of mourning are; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Social mourning is a state where these concepts echo more intensely by colliding with each other… All of these do not have to happen in order. The stages can change places between them. Mourning is like a fingerprint.
The Impact of Collective Trauma
Social traumatic events that leave deep marks on the collective memory become a part of the collective identity. Here, the passage of time has a very different function. Is time the cure for everything? Should it be? When does the healing and transforming feature of time emerge?
Role of Societal Support
First of all, the way society supports while mourning changes many things. For example; the visibility of the measures taken to prevent the social traumatic event experienced from happening again makes mourning free. Instead of creating new triggers, mourning for past pain should be facilitated. This is important for a free collective mourning. It is very valuable for people with all their individual colors to mourn together and complete this path by improving themselves. This is a spiritual transformation.
Insights from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Shall we remember what Elisabeth Kübler-Ross said? “The most beautiful people I know are those who have experienced defeat, pain, struggle, and loss, but have found a way out of those depths.”
The Triangle of Collective Trauma, Social Mourning, and Hope and Healing
Can you imagine the triangle of Trauma, Mourning, and Hope? Now; you can put Collective Trauma at the point at the top of the triangle, and place social mourning in one of the right and left corners where the triangle expands, and hope and healing in the other. We can summarize it like this: A collective trauma occurred, the mourning process of this pain was gone through, and hope and healing re-emerged again and again.
The Dangers of Desensitization
The stage where pain is best for the individual but leads to frightening consequences for the society is desensitization… Desensitization produces very successful results especially when working with EMDR Therapy. The negative impact of the past on the present is studied with EMDR Therapy. The person can place this memory among other functional memory networks by lightening the burden of the traumatic memory. Therefore, since this is now a life experience, the necessary lesson-learning can now take place.
There are two extremes in social pain; either there is a constant active triggering situation or desensitization occurs. The problem here is that desensitization is a dysfunctional state that is not focused on learning a lesson or providing benefit. The reason why the society where the pain was experienced does not wake up today is because it cannot transform the pain it experienced as a useful action and present it again.
A Call for Healthy Memory Archiving
The most valuable criticism here is; “You have to go through the pain but you must not forget.” Memories should be placed in the archive so solidly and healthily that there is room for hope and healing.
Is There Hope and Healing in Your Story?
So, is there any hope and healing in your story? There is more than one HOPE hidden in every story… In cases of loss, the only way is to question hope and healing again… Maybe in another story, maybe in the depth of our own story… Only then can a place for hope and healing be opened in despair. If we are honest with each other and share our stories, hope and healing can find its place among our networks of memories… Sometimes it shouts and sometimes it remains hidden.
The Role of Hope
Hope and healing actually supports the human sense of existence. It cannot be compared or used in place of another moment, but sometimes it replaces it with joy and sometimes with sadness and confuses the mind… However, in its most permeable form, hope and healing must belong to the memory network of that story, ‘here and now’… and this is where both its individual and social resonance stems from.
Catching Hope in the Moment
The best thing is to catch and recognize hope and healing in the moment… When catching and recognizing hope and healing spreads from our unique life to the whole of society; this is now the great announcement of thought and feeling… At the same time, it is a meaningful respite where we find a place for ourselves in the richness of good and evil.
Philosophical Perspectives on Pain
Nietzsche says, “Pain that does not kill me makes me stronger.” Nietzsche does not desire pain here, but says that when there is a painful situation, it should be seen as an opportunity. In fact, in this respect, it brings to mind the concept of post-traumatic growth. To get through a situation, you need to understand that situation. Only after you understand the situation can you get through it.
Sezen Aksu’s Wisdom
Do you remember the lyrics of Sezen Aksu’s song? “Songs that don’t go through pain are a little incomplete.”
Conclusion: Embracing Hope and Healing
While waiting for days full of hope and healing, we must keep our sense of trust open… Despite everything and with everything… Perhaps one day hope and healing will find its place in our story in the most solid way… Realize! Just like in our sentence, there is hope and healing hidden from end to end in our story…
What’s next? Let there be hope and healing afterward…