The idea of separation and loss is one of the situations in which the feeling of pain and sadness is deeply felt for most people. For example, when we are coming to the end of a food we like, at the end of a content we are watching, or when we are separating from someone we have bonded with… In fact, all of them are separations in themselves and can give a person emotions in different dimensions. One of the places where separation is felt most deeply is the death of someone we love. Let’s put aside every separation and the idea of separation—the separations with death give us deep grief, sadness, pain, etc., it makes feelings live. The process by which we experience these emotions through the loss of someone we love is called mourning.
Death and the subsequent mourning process are a great source of stress for a person. Just like the emotional reactions we have to the negativity we do not experience in everyday life, the reactions to death vary from person to person. Everyone experiences a sadness due to losing a loved one, but the inference of emotions varies depending on the person. This is considered normal for a certain period of time. Two months is a normal process for experiencing the stages of the mourning process. Prolongation of this process may lead to psychopathological disorders or some addictions.
The grieving process consists of some stages described by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. These are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance stages.
Denial Stage: It is the state of being in shock as a result of facing a situation that a person did not expect. A person cannot accept that his loved one is dead. He denies it and tries to convince himself that it still exists. It is difficult to convince at this stage, and he is reactive to events.
Anger Stage: After the denial stage, people can infer anger with the effect of disappointment and sadness caused by the loss they have experienced. They think about the things they want to experience but can’t. The negativities they experience together are replaced by discoveries. And for events that cannot be realized, there is always a deep anger called ‘why me’.
Bargaining Stage: Bargaining is made with the creator for the person who does not want to be lost. The prayers that are made so that he doesn’t die, please, are the stage where there are dreams that are formed internally for conditions that will be better than before when he returns.
Depression Stage: The person who realizes that there is nothing he can do about the feeling of loss and the person’s coming back is tested by the helplessness of the loss. He incorporates the truth of loss into his life. A person on the verge of depression may feel too drained of energy to do anything, too reluctant and tired to enjoy life.
Acceptance Stage: It is as much a part and reality of life as birth in death. No matter how much we negotiate, it is not something that is reversible. It is healthiest to experience it by accepting it. Feeling the connection you have established with the person you love, remembering the beautiful experiences that have been experienced, realizing that life has to continue without him takes place at this stage. At this stage, it is a stage in which we accompany him with the memories that remain in our minds.
What shapes the grieving process is more the closeness of the person we have lost to us. Along with the loss, there may be some changes in our lives. For example, it can be mentioned that situations arise when a schoolboy loses his mother, has to manage household chores himself, has to take more care of his siblings, and has to take more responsibility. These experiences can be seen in different ways for everyone. But it is certain that there has been a change. Adapting to change is much more difficult, especially during a period when we feel sad, and it takes a serious effort. Although it is painful for us to regain control of a life that has necessarily undergone change, it is possible for us to successfully exit the grieving process.
Although the grieving process is a painful and difficult process to adapt to, negative consequences can sometimes result in positive effects and open up different opportunities. It’s all about which window we’re looking through. Let’s not forget that everything that is not experienced causes anxiety and stress to the human soul and body. But we can open completely different windows for ourselves with what we experience and fill in our saddlebags. Every experience is a different experience, and it is the art of light that we keep on our way from this.