When a human being comes into the world, they bring not only their body but also their needs. Some of these needs are tangible: eating, drinking, and sheltering. For survival, these physical requirements must be provided first, usually by our primary caregivers—a mother, father, grandparent, or another guardian. Regardless of who fulfills this role, their presence is vital for survival.
A baby whose physical needs are met consistently and on time feels safe. A baby who feels safe gradually learns to trust their surroundings as well. This sense of security lays the foundation for the need to belong and to be loved. Through the gentle gaze, soft voice, and tender touch of a trusted caregiver, a baby begins to make sense of the world. Thus, they are nourished not only physically but also emotionally.
Maslow’s Hierarchy: From Safety To Self-Actualization
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs helps us understand this process. According to Maslow (1943), human needs can be arranged in a pyramid: at the base are physiological needs; above them are safety, love and belonging, esteem, and at the top lies self-actualization (Benson & Dundis, 2003). Each level supports the next. The more firmly the lower levels are met, the more confidently the individual can ascend to the higher ones.
An individual whose needs are consistently met learns not only that they are loved but also that they are seen. To be seen means to be noticed, understood, and valued. Every person wishes to exist within society, to express themselves, and to know that their voice matters. The purpose of these levels, in essence, is to help the individual become a self-actualized human being—a person who both sees and is seen.
The Meaning Of Being Seen
A self-actualized person is, in a sense, someone who is seen. Because people believe they exist when they are seen. Being seen is not merely about being noticed physically; it means recognizing another’s emotions, boundaries, efforts, fears, and longings—to perceive their essence. It is perceiving through our senses and being aware of what lies beyond them, desiring that awareness to be mutual.
As a person climbs these levels, they realize that at each stage, their needs—physical, emotional, relational—are being seen. They also notice that someone is putting effort into meeting those needs. This experience of being seen allows the individual to recognize their own capacity to see themselves. They gain the courage to create, to try, and to find new paths.
Being seen is like looking into a mirror; there are eyes that notice and wish to understand you, and within those eyes, you define your existence.
The Fragility Of The Climb
However, life does not always move in a straight line. Sometimes we find ourselves far from where we feel we belong. Sometimes we do not feel safe, and at times we struggle to meet even our basic needs. All of this is a natural part of being human. Maslow’s pyramid is like a staircase—sometimes we climb up, sometimes we fall down. These ups and downs are inevitable; they shape the rhythm of life.
Yet, if the first three levels were consistently met in childhood, the individual carries an inner belief that they can climb again, even after falling. Because they have climbed those steps once before, they have seen the way up. And because they have seen it, they remember. And because they remember, they try again.
The Psychology Of Visibility And Safety
Humans fear what they cannot see and worry about what they do not know. It is difficult to believe in something we have never witnessed. Therefore, being “seen” in childhood shapes not only the present but also the future.
A child learns the feeling of “I am valuable” when someone truly sees them. They seek themselves in the eyes that wish to see them, for those eyes provide the assurance that they can be found. Sometimes, a single look, a word, or a touch can leave a deep mark within a child’s inner world.
This need does not fade in adulthood. We all want, from time to time, to be seen—for our emotions to be recognized, our efforts appreciated, our existence felt as meaningful. Because humans do not merely want to live; they want to feel that their life has meaning. Being seen is the simplest yet most powerful expression of that meaning.
The Silent Desire: “See Me”
Perhaps that is why, deep down, every person carries a silent desire: “See me.”
This is why we sometimes find ourselves drawn to relationships where we feel seen. Such a relationship might be a friendship, a family bond, or a romantic connection—yet all are built on the same foundation: the need to connect, to be seen, to be understood, and to bloom.
A person needs to be seen in order to believe they exist—to see themselves through being seen. An individual who believes they have a place in this world believes they can climb the steps of that pyramid again, even after falling. Because they know they can rebuild their place.
At the core of everything lies this belief: A person who is seen and valued learns to see and value themselves. They learn to care for their own needs, to understand how to meet them, and to believe that they are capable of doing so.
That is the person who has truly learned to see.
And now, they are ready to teach it.
References
Benson, S. G., & Dundis, S. P. (2003). Understanding and motivating health care employees: Integrating Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, training and technology. Journal of Nursing Management, 11(5), 315–320.
Maslow, A. H. (1943). A theory of human motivation. Psychological Review, 50(4), 370–396.
Rogers, C. R. (1961). On becoming a person: A therapist’s view of psychotherapy. Houghton Mifflin.