Almost every fairy tale begins with “Once upon a time…” and continues to tell its own unique story. Each one offers a different perspective and carries a different life within its pages. In truth, life for us living beings is much like these fairy tales; one moment, we exist, and in the next, we are gone. But where do we disappear to?
From the very moment we are born, we learn something new with every passing minute, and with what we learn, we begin to build our own lives. However, sometimes life teaches us certain concepts much earlier than we are ready to learn them. Death is one of those heavy concepts that life, at times, teaches us too soon.
While death is defined as the point when a living being can no longer fulfill its physiological and biological functions, it is, in reality, much more than that. Someone who was once at the very center of our lives can, in a moment, be nowhere at all. Death is a difficult process for people of all ages. Yet while we as adults may know and try to accept this concept, what happens when little hearts, who are just beginning to discover life, are forced to learn about it? How should it be explained to them, and how should it not?
For little hearts, the world is still entirely made up of concrete concepts, and sadly, death is a concept that remains abstract for them. The sudden death of a pet, encountering the theme of death in a cartoon, hearing it in games they play, or reading about it in books all show us that children are not as distant from this concept as we might think. At this point, it is essential to first understand what the child knows about death. Then, the concept of death should be explained in a way that they can comprehend.
Explaining it through concrete examples such as, “They won’t be eating anymore, they won’t be walking…” can help them grasp the concept. However, one of the most critical points to consider is not telling the child, “They have gone into a long sleep.” If a child equates sleep with death, they may become afraid to sleep and may start having nightmares. Similarly, saying, “Only the sick and the elderly die,” is also incorrect. If they later witness the death of a young person, they may refuse to accept it and experience deep anxiety.
We must remember that while little hearts are trying to build their own lives, they carry feelings just as delicate as ours. Everyone experiences the grief (yas) process differently; however, since children cannot fully comprehend the concept of death, they may believe that the person died because of them and feel a deep sense of guilt. At times, they may also develop a tendency to blame others. For these reasons, this important and sensitive topic should be conveyed to the child by the person they trust the most, without delay. It should be explained with a simple and truthful approach, always remembering that the child has feelings too. Responding to the child’s questions calmly and in a way they can understand can help reduce the fears and anxieties that may arise in their minds. During this process, it is crucial to be present and to allow them the space to experience and express their emotions.
We must not forget that every loss is a significant upheaval for little hearts. For them, death is the sudden silence in a room, a door that no longer opens, or the absence of a face that once smiled. Each tear that falls from their eyes is a silent echo of the questions they carry in their hearts.
During such a sensitive time, what they need most is the presence of a reassuring hand they can trust. Knowing that we are there for them, and feeling that they can share their fears with us, can help lighten the heavy burden that loss brings. Instead of ignoring or postponing their feelings, having the courage to speak about the pain, looking into their eyes without resorting to lies, and explaining the truth in a way they can understand will aid little hearts in healing during their grief (yas) process.
Sometimes, speaking is like lighting a small candle in the uncertain darkness that death creates in a child’s world. Sometimes, a hug can express far more than words ever could. And sometimes, simply sitting beside them in silence can complete the sentences that words fail to express.
In every story that begins with “Once upon a time…” the pain of those left behind remains. But it is within our power to wrap that pain with love, understanding, and patience. Guiding children as they try to make sense of life, showing them the natural process of grief (yas), and allowing them to express their feelings will empower them to cope with future losses.
And perhaps the most important message we can give them is this: that life is a journey, and while some journeys continue far away from us, our love never truly disappears. Because even when we are no longer here, our love will continue to live on within their hearts.
References:
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